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Nowadays many doctors become very rich. It is wrong for doctors to focus on profitable medical practices, such as plastic surgery, when there are people suffering from lack of medical attention. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and included any relevant examples form your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays many doctors become very rich. It is wrong for doctors to focus on profitable medical practices, such as plastic surgery, when there are people suffering from lack of medical attention. jdo5a
To a large extend, I agree to such as statement. In recent years, doctors have been receiving an increasingly higher wage, especially in the area I live in. They have double the wage of an unusual run of the mill average Joe when thy have just started their career. It is an insanely high wage. While some work very hard in the hospital ER, suffering from labor shortage with one doctor caring for 30 patients at once, some opt out in the midst all this hustle and bustle, and decide to focus an unnecessary but highly profitable medical practices like plastic surgery. In my opinion, doctors should not focus on these unnecessary medical practices. People are suffering from a lack of medical help in the ER alone, as the hospital remain largely unmanned but hospital beds become increasingly over crowded. The doctors focusing on the plastic surgeries certainly have the expertise and power to assist in hospitals. This can prevent the deaths of thousands of thousands of people per year due to the misdiagnosis of the patients or other medical from incidents caused by extremely tired doctors having already worked for 36 hours. Doctors should be focused on saving people, not making extra money. The patient’s welfare should come first, but not their beauty or the doctor’s own wealth. On the other hand, some but generally only a small amount of patient do require this kind of services. So while it is wrong to focus on it, I do not disagree with practicing them. Therefore, doctors should not focus on only profitable medical practices, but only practice them moderately.
To a large extend, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to such as statement.

In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have been receiving an
increasingly
higher wage,
especially
in the area I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. They have double the wage of an unusual
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
run of the mill
average Joe when thy have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their career. It is an
insanely
high wage. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
ER, suffering from labor shortage with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
caring for 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
at once,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opt out in the midst all this hustle and bustle, and decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
an unnecessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
highly
profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
like plastic surgery.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on these unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are suffering from a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the ER alone, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
remain
largely
unmanned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
beds become
increasingly
over crowded. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
focusing on the plastic surgeries
certainly
have the expertise and power to assist in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the deaths
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "of thousands".
of thousands of thousands
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
per year due to the misdiagnosis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
from incidents caused by
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
extremely tired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
having already worked for 36 hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
should
be focused
on saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, not making extra money. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient’s
welfare should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not their beauty or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wealth.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
do require this kind of services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on it, I do not disagree with practicing them.

Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
them
moderately
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many doctors become very rich. It is wrong for doctors to focus on profitable medical practices, such as plastic surgery, when there are people suffering from lack of medical attention.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Nowadays many doctors become very rich. It is wrong for doctors to focus on profitable medical practices, such as plastic surgery, when there are people suffering from lack of medical attention. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and included any relevant examples form your own knowledge or experience.