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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? awyWm
As there are hardly country left in the world where there are no immigrants. Because the growth in technologies and cultures help people to reach the different parts of the world. In this essay I discussed some points which may help a government to live people in their countries together harmoniously. Firstly, Government should help their own people by educating them about history and different cultures not only from their nation but from across the world. This learning of the different cultures help people to understand the different aspects of a country how they lived and how they are now. This study helps people and lowers the gap between different people of the world. For Example, it is have been found that if a person have knowledge about the different cultures have more chances of accepting by the people of that place and also accepts the people who are visiting to his country. Secondly, Government should also provide classes about their culture and language to those people which are travelling to their country. As it help to build a better mindview of that country and helps them not in their study but also in understanding the needs of the country and their surroundings. Ar last, Government should provides some rules and rights to the person which is travelling to their country so that they feel safe and helped and not feel left. So that they can feel like family and can also help in the growth and development of the country.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
there are hardly
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country
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left
in the world where there are no immigrants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the growth in technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
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help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach the
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different
parts of the world.

In this essay I discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points which may
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help
a
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government
to
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live
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people
in their
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countries
together
harmoniously
.

Firstly
,
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Government
should
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help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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people
by educating them about history and
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different
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cultures
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from their nation
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but
from across the world.

This learning of the
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand the
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different
aspects of a
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country
how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and how they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This study
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helps
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people
and lowers the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the world.
For Example
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
been found
that if a person have knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
have more chances of accepting by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that place and
also
accepts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are visiting to his country.

Secondly
,
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Government
should
also
provide classes about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and language to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which are travelling to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As it
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help
to build a better
Possible spelling mistake found.
mindview
of that
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country
and
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helps
them not in their study
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but
also
in understanding the needs of the
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country
and their surroundings.

Ar last,
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Government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "provide"
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and rights to the person which is travelling to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they feel safe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
and not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they can feel like family and can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the growth and development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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