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Nowadays, it is becoming more popular to see animals to be kept in captivity, for instance, the zoo Do the advantage of keeping animal in the zoo outweight the disadvantage?

Nowadays, it is becoming more popular to see animals to be kept in captivity, for instance, the zoo Do the advantage of keeping animal in the zoo outweight the disadvantage? GMLOx
A zoo is still a popular place for people to visit for entertainment and to learn about wild animals. And there is an ongoing debate as to whether to keep animals in zoos bring more benefits or drawbacks to the animals. As for me, I believe this has both positive significance and bad influence. On the one hand, the keeping wildlife in the zoo is to protect endangered species, such as Pandas, which have been threatened for many years but protected. Secondly, the zoo is educational, interesting and fun, the zoo is the ideal place to educate and nurture children who love animals. Thirdly, they have properly cared for closely monitored and the animal’s health treatment and food are guaranteed. Besides, the ecosystem is balanced and biodiversity On the other hand, there are many reasons why zoos should be shut down. Firstly, even though some species are under threat, there are lots of animals which do not fall into this category and who are there just for the entertainment of visitors. Secondly, animals are kept in artificial environments, cages with limited space. And animals rely too much on humans, they are under human control, captive animals are gradually domesticated and they lost important survival skills in the natural habitat. Moreover, the zoo can also make a profit from animals. For example, circus animals, behind the performance of those spectators, they were badly treated, deprived of their freedom, forced to work continuously for hours and unsecured care conditions In conclusion, I feel that the zoo provide a valuable service to society and the animal world, as they help to protect many species. This outweighs their possible disadvantage as long as they are properly staffed and maintained. And sanction should be imposed on cases of animal abuse to make money
A zoo is
still
a popular place for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit for entertainment and to learn about wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. And there is an ongoing debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos bring more benefits or drawbacks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. As for me, I believe this has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
significance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence.

On the one hand, the keeping wildlife in the zoo is to protect endangered species, such as Pandas, which have
been threatened
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
protected.
Secondly
, the zoo is educational, interesting and fun, the zoo is the ideal place to educate and nurture children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Thirdly
, they have
properly
cared for
closely
monitored and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
health treatment and food
are guaranteed
.
Besides
, the ecosystem
is balanced
and biodiversity

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why zoos should
be shut
down.
Firstly
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species are under threat, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which do not fall into this category and who are there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the entertainment of visitors.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in artificial environments, cages with limited space. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
rely too much on humans, they are under human control, captive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
gradually
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
domesticated and
they lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the natural habitat.
Moreover
, the zoo can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, circus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, behind the performance of those spectators, they were
badly
treated, deprived of their freedom, forced to work
continuously
for hours and unsecured care
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
conditions


In conclusion
, I feel that the zoo provide a valuable service to society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
world, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species. This outweighs their possible disadvantage as long as they are
properly
staffed and maintained. And sanction should
be imposed
on cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
abuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money
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IELTS essay Nowadays, it is becoming more popular to see animals to be kept in captivity, for instance, the zoo Do the advantage of keeping animal in the zoo outweight the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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