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Nowadays, in many countries major cities are becoming bigger and population is overcrowded. Why is it happening? What can be solution for this?

Nowadays, in many countries major cities are becoming bigger and population is overcrowded. Why is it happening? What can be solution for this? Jwdp6
That situation can be eased through multiple strategies. One of them is directing more fund to improve living conditions as well as facilities in all parts of country instead of investing in the progress of well-developed parts. This can be achieved not only with the help of government, but also the power of wealthy investors can be used if they are given privilege in any form for their contribution. Furthermore, villagers should be encouraged to feel a sense of patriotism. In other words their importance in making their hometown better place to live ought to be explained thoroughly by the side of government officials. For example, in the US government authorities gave 50% discount for all taxes for suburban people who have remained in their place of birth for more than 15 years. After this innovation the number of residents in cities commenced to stay steady. To conclude, people come in cities due to available facilities to become literate or stay healthy. This can be avoided by directing more money at improvements outside cities or encouraging suburban residents to stay loyal to their hometown and make contribution to the development of that place.
That situation can be
eased
through multiple strategies. One of them is directing more fund to
improve
living conditions
as well
as facilities in all parts of country
instead
of investing in the progress of well-developed parts. This can
be achieved
not
only
with the
help
of
government
,
but
also
the power of wealthy investors can be
used
if they are
given
privilege in any form for their contribution.
Furthermore
, villagers should
be encouraged
to feel a sense of patriotism.
In other words
their importance in making their hometown better place to
live
ought to be
explained
thoroughly
by the side of
government
officials.
For example
, in the US
government
authorities gave 50% discount for all taxes for suburban
people
who have remained in their place of birth for more than 15 years.
After
this innovation the number of residents in cities commenced to stay steady.

To conclude
,
people
come
in cities due to available facilities to become literate or stay healthy. This can
be avoided
by directing more money at improvements outside cities or encouraging suburban residents to stay loyal to their hometown and
make
contribution to the development of that place.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, in many countries major cities are becoming bigger and population is overcrowded. Why is it happening? What can be solution for this?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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