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Nowadays. Families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Nowadays. Families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks? a1Od
The industrial revolution and the modern way of living that revolution brought for humans changed many things in societies, and one of them was family ties. In the current century, the intimacy between family members is not as much as past, and people are getting used to it. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss the causes and both benefits and disadvantages of this phenomenon. There might be some reasons that dwindled the close-knit family members. Modern societies might oblige each person to work, especially parents to earn money and make living cost, also to create productive social member appearance, even the youngsters under 18 usually work for summer or they are at school, so family members are spending many hours outside the house. This can kind of separate the members and create distance between them. In addition, when people are communicating with the outside world they are struggling with lots of things so since they are thinking about their own problem they might not be able to spend time with their family. Some reasons can be found that describe this issue. Subsequently, this phenomenon can have both good and bad sides. One of the disadvantages of this way of living may be the loneliness it brings for individuals since they are busy with their own problem and the distance between the members does not let them share their inner feelings and talk about their problems. The second one may be the lack of happiness, when people cannot find intimacy and good communication with their family, they might not be happy and would not have happiness at home. On the other hand, there might be one benefit, which is being more independent. In the past, people would ruin their dreams or demands because of their families. For example, one would refuse awesome work opportunities in a foreign country, because they cannot stay away from their parents. As we see both benefits and disadvantages lie in this phenomenon. In conclusion, some changes in people way of life created this distance between family members, which can have a bright and dark side, but the bad incomes might be more than the benefits.
The industrial revolution and the modern way of living that revolution brought for humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in societies, and one of them was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century, the intimacy between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
is not as much as past, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss the causes and both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and disadvantages of this phenomenon.

There
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that dwindled the close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. Modern societies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
oblige each person to work,
especially
parents to earn money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
living cost,
also
to create productive social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
appearance, even the youngsters under 18
usually
work for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
summer or
they are at school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This can kind of separate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and create distance between them.
In addition
, when
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people
are communicating with the outside world they are struggling with lots of things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
since they are thinking about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem they
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might
not be able to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reasons can
be found
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
this issue.

Subsequently
, this phenomenon can have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides. One of the disadvantages of this way of living may be the loneliness it brings for individuals since they are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem and the distance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them share their inner feelings and talk about their problems. The second one may be the lack of happiness, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot find intimacy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be happy and would not have happiness at home.
On the other hand
, there
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might
be one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
, which is being more independent. In the past,
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people
would ruin their dreams or demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, one would refuse awesome work opportunities in a foreign country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot stay away from their parents. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and disadvantages lie in this phenomenon.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
way of life created this distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, which can have a bright and dark side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
incomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays. Families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Nowadays. Families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?