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Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do YOU agree or disagree?

Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. joyJ8
Doctors are focusing on profits and ignoring the health of poor people. I disagree with this attitude because their first duty is to treat the needy people and medical profession is a noble profession not a business. Firstly, doctors take an oath to treat the diseases of people and their first duty is to serve the people who are badly in need. Treating only those who have money is completely wrong. They study to serve people, they should treat everyone by ignoring the fact who should be able to pay. Making people beautiful is not their duty, saving the lives of people is vital. For instance, if doctors have to choose among patients, they should always choose the ones whose lives are in danger. Their first and foremost duty is to treat the diseases of people and save their lives. Secondly, medical profession is a noble profession making this business is illegal. If people are interested in making profits, they should not be doctors. Instead they should focus on some business. This is a very delicate and responsible profession as people's lives are in the hands of doctors. For the sake of better incomes, doctors should not let people die. As for profits some production can be started. For instance, some businessmen earn more than any other profession people, so those who desire better wealth should do other work than to be a medical professional. In conclusion, doctors are more focused on profits so they are choosing to work as plastic surgeon but they should not forget the real motive of this profession is to save the lives and serve the nations. I disagree with this behaviour of doctors because this profession is noble profession and their duty is to serve the people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
are focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
and ignoring the health of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I disagree with this attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is a noble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
not a business.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
take an oath to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
the diseases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
badly
in need. Treating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have money is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. They study to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
everyone by ignoring the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should be able to pay. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
is not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
, saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is vital.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose among patients, they should always choose the ones whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. Their
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
the diseases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Secondly
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is a noble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
making this business is illegal. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
, they should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they should focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
delicate and responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are in the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. For the sake of better incomes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
production can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businessmen earn more than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
desire better wealth should do other work than to be a medical professional.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are more focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are choosing to work as plastic surgeon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not forget the real motive of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the nations. I disagree with this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is noble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do YOU agree or disagree?