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At the present population of some countries include a large proportion of young people, compared with a number of older people.

At the present population of some countries include a large proportion of young people, compared with a number of older people. mWyYn
In the past, there was not such an imbalance in the population of younger and older people; however, today, due to several diseases, the number of older people is decreasing compared to younger people. In light of this trend, it is critical to consider the benefits and drawbacks of a large proportion of youth in the population of many countries, as compared to the number of elderly people. In my viewpoint, the decrease in the population of seniors has some adverse effects on society. There are some advantages of a large number of youngsters in the country. Young people play an important role in the country’s economic development because adults of this century are comparatively intelligent, hardworking, skilful and competent in various fields. Therefore, the youthful generation contributes a significant part to the rise of the economy. However, this surge in the number of youngsters leads to unemployment because of which they don’t have any sources of income and are unable to pay the taxes, resulting in the decline in rate of the Nation’s economy. To illustrate, according to the Central Statistic Office, both GDP and per capita income of India increased over a decade, but due to overpopulation, per capita income is rising at a very slow rate. However, elders do have the benefit of vast experience from years of work which is vital for decision making. Due to the lack of elderly experienced staff, the youth may face problems in learning and training in that field. For example, many companies today incur heavy loses to train the freshers due to the lack of elder professionals. Moreover, if there are no elder people in the family, the new generation will lack cultural and ethical values. Most of the adults have limited historical knowledge and are disrespectful. Overall, more proportion of younger people helps to improve the country's economy, though it can also lead to unemployment and a slowing of the economy's growth rate. Although the absence of senior people may cause no expertise to guide the youth in the field of work, also a lack of ethical and cultural values in adults. So, I believe that the country should have both younger and older people in balance.
In the past, there was not such an imbalance in the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several diseases, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is decreasing compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In light of this trend, it is critical to consider the benefits and drawbacks of a large proportion of youth in the population of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my viewpoint, the decrease in the population of seniors has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of youngsters in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economic development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
adults of this century are
comparatively
intelligent, hardworking,
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and competent in various fields.
Therefore
, the youthful generation contributes a significant part to the rise of the economy.
However
, this surge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of youngsters leads to unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they don’t have any sources of income and are unable to pay the taxes, resulting in the decline in rate of the Nation’s economy. To illustrate, according to the Central Statistic Office, both GDP and per capita income of India increased over a decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to overpopulation, per capita income is rising at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slow rate.

However
, elders do have the benefit of vast experience from years of work which is vital for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of elderly experienced staff, the youth may face problems in learning and training in that field.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
incur heavy loses to train the freshers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of elder professionals.
Moreover
, if there are no elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the family, the new generation will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
cultural and ethical values. Most of the adults have limited historical knowledge and are disrespectful.

Overall
, more proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the country's economy, though it can
also
lead to unemployment and a slowing of the economy's growth rate. Although the absence of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may cause no expertise to guide the youth in the field of work,
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of ethical and cultural values in adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in balance.
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IELTS essay At the present population of some countries include a large proportion of young people, compared with a number of older people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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