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Nowadays community requires doing unpaid works to teenagers in their free time . what do you extend ?

Nowadays community requires doing unpaid works to teenagers in their free time. what do you extend? XlkaO
In contemporary world, some people believe that adolescents should aid to community works when they are free. I cannot entirely disagree with this sattement, cause, from my perspective, helping community has so many merit to both community and teenagers. On the one hand, teenagers learn lots of things by aiding. As a consequence of helping to community young people can easily get along with other people. Besides, learn how attitude they should do to people that, they did not identify yet. Absolutely, by doing good attitude adolescents can be respected by every people. Moreover, young people will spend their spare time to beneficial things. It is really important, to say is that, if they do community works, they gain new practices for their life and extend knowledges. On the other hand, community should not spend further money to community works. Instead, they spend money for developing community life. For example, if teenagers in a city, help to clean up the mess on the street, community should not find other workable people and after doing work, it is obvious that, workers can ask their fees for doing this work. In addition, by doing community works population will be united. To sum up it all, I would say that, if community require doing unpaid works to young people, on their leisure time, it can bring afford to both side. Consequence of requiring, community population can be united in any time and help each other, when there is any difficulty in ones life in this community. It can lead to peacefulness and quickly developing of community.
In contemporary world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that adolescents should aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works when they are free. I cannot
entirely
disagree with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
sattement
, cause, from my perspective, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun merit seems to be countable; consider using: "many merits".
many merit
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
learn lots of things by aiding.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a consequence of helping to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
, learn how attitude they should do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that, they did not identify
yet
.
Absolutely
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude adolescents can
be respected
by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will spend their spare time to beneficial things. It is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, to say is that, if they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works, they gain new practices for their life and extend
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should not spend
further
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works.
Instead
, they spend money for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
life.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in a city,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to clean up the mess on the street,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is obvious that, workers can ask their fees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works population will
be united
.

To sum up it all, I would say that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid works to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, on their leisure time, it can bring afford to both side. Consequence of requiring,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
population can
be united
in any time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, when there is any difficulty in
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
life in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. It can lead to peacefulness and
quickly
developing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays community requires doing unpaid works to teenagers in their free time. what do you extend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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