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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. qmBr
At times children spend their a lot of time for TV or game plays which are reason for squandering their time. Opinion of some people those technologies aren’t useful for their health and also their brain. I agree this opinion. First of all, watching TV or playing games are being reason for decreasing their study. Unfortunately, they pay attention for those technologies than getting knowledge. The reason why, those things are absorbing for them which are effecting badly for children. In result they can’t learn enough education. Secondly, they are playing games or watching TV very much time. During playing or watching them their psychologies are changing to bad side. Because nearly 80% children play terrible games which people are killed. Those plays are dangerous for them. Inconsequence they most of them are being angry. It is true children must be given a rest through watching TV or playing telephone. But it must be in norms and also games must be good. Thirdly, these technologies are effecting not only their knowledge or psychologies but also those things are stealing their time that is to say their childhoods. They are spending their childhoods a lot of time for watching TV or playing video games not natural games or not reading books. In result they are losing their golden time. To sum up, children are expending their time for some useless technologies and they are getting used to using them. They are not good for them.
At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
Did you mean "there"?
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for TV or game plays which are reason for squandering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Opinion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
aren’t useful for their health and
also
their brain. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, watching TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are being reason for decreasing their study. Unfortunately, they pay attention for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
than getting knowledge. The reason why, those things are absorbing for them which are effecting
badly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "result, they".
result they
can’t learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
education.

Secondly
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
or watching them their psychologies are changing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
nearly
80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are killed
. Those plays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inconsequence
they most of them are being angry. It is true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a rest through watching TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
telephone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in norms and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Thirdly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are effecting not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their knowledge or psychologies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
those things are stealing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that is
to say their childhoods. They are spending their childhoods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for watching TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or not reading books. In
The comma is probably missing here: "result, they".
result they
are losing their golden time.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are expending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useless
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technologies and
they are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to using them. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them.
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IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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