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Some people say that the government should not put monet into building theatres and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Some people say that the government should not put monet into building theatres and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. with this opinion 8w85
Some people believe that the government should put money into building theaters and sports stadiums and spend more money on medical care and education. In my point of view, I think it depends on the location where these building are built. Such that, the theaters and sports stadiums are more more useful for the city whereas the medical care and education will give more advantages for the country sides. I believe that the buildings would give benefits to the people more or less if they are constructed in the right space. There are many schools, universities, learning center, hospitals and medical centers in the big city. Many buildings have been built up to support people lives. To the consequence, the citizens start to loss their free space like grounds and yards. Such that people begin to ignore their health and live unhealthy life. For instance, in Japan, people are so getting used to a very fast living style and high competition rate for both educational and working purposes that they forget to relax themselves from these stresses. This leads Japan to have the highest suicide rate from the world records. Therefore building relaxing complexes such as theaters and sports stadiums will definitely give a positive trend. ' In contrast, I believe that the government needs to spend more money to build educational and medical care for rural area people. In Thailand, a gap of education and medical care between urban and rural areas is very high. There are plenty of underprivileged young people that need educations, especially those who live in the mountain, some of them cannot even read and write. There are also plenty of citizens that have died from a very basic disease such as Appendicitis, the curable condition. To sum up, it is basically up to the context of society and region. In my opinion, education and medical cares are giving more positive outputs for the country sides while theatres and sports stadiums need to be encouraged to build more in the urban area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put money into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
theaters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
and spend more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it depends on the location where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
are built
. Such that, the theaters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
are
Use only "more" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more more
useful for the city whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will give more advantages for the country sides. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
would give benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more or less if they
are constructed
in the right space.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools, universities, learning center, hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
centers in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have
been built
up to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
. To the consequence, the citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to loss their free space like grounds and yards. Such that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy life.
For instance
, in Japan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
living style and high competition rate for both educational and working purposes that they forget to relax themselves from these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
. This leads Japan to have the highest suicide rate from the world records.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
relaxing complexes such as theaters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
will definitely give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend. '

In contrast
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to spend more money to build educational and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for rural area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In Thailand, a gap of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
between urban and rural areas is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of underprivileged young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
,
especially
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the mountain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them cannot even read and write. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of citizens that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic disease such as Appendicitis, the curable condition.

To sum up, it is
basically
up to the context of society and region. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cares
are giving more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outputs for the country sides while
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
need to
be encouraged
to build more in the urban area.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the government should not put monet into building theatres and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. with this opinion

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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