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With the conveniences which have been brought by technology, people's lifestyles and health have been affected.

With the conveniences which have been brought by technology, people's lifestyles and health have been affected. eNjJ
With the conveniences which have been brought by technology, people's lifestyles and health have been affected. To a large extent, I agree that future's people's health would not be as good as today, as people are taking fewer exercises and work is becoming challengeable and stressful. Fewer exercises will decrease the health level of people in the future. As cars and public transportation have become common, people who walk or ride to a destination will become fewer, so they will gradually lose exercise time on average. Therefore, with long seating and longtime screen using, peoples' physical health will be influenced to a certain degree. For example, research shows that people's average exercise time has been decreased, and illnesses such as obesity have increased. Therefore, it can be predicted that in the future, with more user-friendly transportations, fewer exercises will be taken, and result in more unhealthy people. Furthermore, the fast-paced working environment will let people be more stressed, which may destroy people's both mental and physical health. This is because the competition in work has become more and more fierce. For instance, today, there are more reports or news show that more people have experienced psychological difficulties because of their work. Then, these mental illnesses will gradually affect people's bodies. Thus, with today's trend of the working environment, there may be more cases in the future. In other words, people's average health level will be lower. In conclusion, in the foreseen future, there will be more people become unhealthy, with the reasons of taking fewer exercises and enhanced working environment.
With the conveniences which have
been brought
by technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
lifestyles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. To a large extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that future's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would not be as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and work is becoming
Possible spelling mistake found.
challengeable
and stressful.

Fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
will decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. As cars and public transportation have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
common,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who walk or ride to a destination will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
fewer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
gradually
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
time on average.
Therefore
, with long seating and longtime screen using, peoples' physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
be influenced
to a certain degree.
For example
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
time has
been decreased
, and illnesses such as obesity have increased.
Therefore
, it can
be predicted
that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, with more user-friendly transportations, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
will
be taken
, and result in more unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced working environment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
both mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the competition in work has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more and more fierce.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are more reports or news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have experienced psychological difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work. Then, these mental illnesses will
gradually
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
bodies.
Thus
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's trend of the working environment, there may be more cases in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
level will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
.

In conclusion
, in the foreseen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, there will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
unhealthy, with the reasons of taking fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and enhanced working environment.
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IELTS essay With the conveniences which have been brought by technology, people's lifestyles and health have been affected.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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