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Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. V1q3
It has been a debatable topic that whether people should invest more money and resources in animal conservation today. Some suggest that the expenditure and resources should be spent on human society and to solve social problems. Although I partially subscribe to the idea that investment in wildlife protection will always be worthwhile I also opine that our national budget should be allocated to more urgent issues. To begin with, if human fail to protect wild aniamls, economic damages to many fields are inevitability. It is true that biodiversity has brought considerable economic values. If there was a disapperance of a wild animal, this would lead to dead threats to others species because of the interdependency. Therefore, the national economy would probably suffer heavy losses in which the exploitation of wild animals benefit considerably. To exemplify, some fishes that are prey to whales would disappear, resulting in the risk of decline in the number of whales. As a result, the fishing industry contributing to national budget would have an adverse impact. However, public money is limited. So we should allocate our national budget to more urgent issues rather than expending too much in the conservation of wild animals and birds. A case in point is that, more resources should be diverted to medical research to find out remedies for fatal diseases such as HIV and cancer, which may help to save thousands of lives in society. To recapitulate my ideas briefly, notwithstanding the fact that I am partial in favor of this opinion as protection of wildlife of our globe can play crucial role in our life. I also conjecture that our natonal fund ought to be designated to more vital issues
It has been a debatable topic that whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should invest more money and resources in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
conservation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggest that the expenditure and resources should
be spent
on human society and to solve social problems.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
I
partially
subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that investment in wildlife protection will always be worthwhile I
also
opine that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
budget should
be allocated
to more urgent issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if human fail to protect wild
Possible spelling mistake found.
aniamls
, economic damages to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields are inevitability. It is true that biodiversity has brought considerable economic values. If there was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapperance
of a wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
, this would lead to dead threats to others species
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the interdependency.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
economy would
probably
suffer heavy losses in which the exploitation of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
benefit
considerably
. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fishes that are prey to whales would disappear, resulting in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of decline in the number of whales.
As a result
, the fishing industry contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
budget would have an adverse impact.

However
, public money
is limited
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should allocate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
budget to more urgent issues
rather
than expending too much in the conservation of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and birds. A case in point is that, more resources should
be diverted
to medical research to find out remedies for fatal diseases such as HIV and cancer, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in society.

To recapitulate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
briefly
, notwithstanding the fact that I am partial in favor of this opinion as protection of wildlife of our globe can play crucial role in our life. I
also
conjecture that our
Possible spelling mistake found.
natonal
fund ought to
be designated
to more vital
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
issues
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IELTS essay Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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