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Nowadays children play with computers during their leisure time instead of playing sports outside. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays children play with computers during their leisure time instead of playing sports outside. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development? OEk9k
These days most of the children prefer to play games on the computer rather than to play outside sports. There are several reasons why young people are playing video games and I believe that this has been negative development due to the health concerns associated with spending too much time on games. The main reason why teenagers play digital games is that these games are built in such a way so that they become addicted to playing them. Due to this, they spend a lot of time in front of the screen. While obsessing over this form of entertainment, young people feel satisfaction because they have a surge of dopamine in their brains. According to the Early Intervention study, any game that can produce even minute quantities of dopamine has the potential to make children addicted on a massive scale. In addition, playing these games does not require any physical effort. Therefore, school-aged spend more time playing electronic games. For example, when the game company launches their games, the games are built to indulge young ones so that they spend more time playing their company's games. I believe that playing electronic games extensively is a negative development because there is a number of health concerns associated with playing computer games. Young people spend hours staring at screens while playing games, which can lead to blurred vision and obesity-related diseases such as bad cholesterol. These diseases are difficult to cure when they become old. In conclusion, digital games are addictive and therefore, children spend more time playing them. I do not think there will be a positive effect on computer games due to health problems.
These days most of the children prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer
rather
than to play outside sports. There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and I believe that this has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development due to the health concerns associated with spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on games.

The main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
play digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are built
in such a way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they become addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
them. Due to this, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the screen. While obsessing over this form of entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a surge of dopamine in their brains. According to the Early Intervention study, any game that can produce even minute quantities of dopamine has the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children addicted on a massive scale.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
does not require any physical effort.
Therefore
, school-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, when the game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
launches their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are built
to indulge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's games.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
extensively
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a number of health concerns associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
hours staring at screens while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which can lead to blurred vision and obesity-related diseases such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cholesterol. These diseases are difficult to cure when they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are addictive and
therefore
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
them. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to health problems.
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IELTS essay Nowadays children play with computers during their leisure time instead of playing sports outside. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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