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Nowadays children are habituated playing more video games on computer does this effect on brain development.to what extent do you agree and disagree

Nowadays children are habituated playing more video games on computer does this effect on brain development. to what extent do you agree and disagree 86wNl
In recent time we all child access to internet and games, more child are playing game on computer. so their popularity is increasing all time. so I will talk about this topic to positive and nagative effects. Firstly, many children are giving time on computer games and internet. in addition, computer games are very helpfull and it can also help for child development thinking skills. more times games often include complicated problems which need to be solved. However, many problem with increasing popularity of computer games. much child addicted to them and they play hours and hours, sometimes through the night. in a day government has banned more games to play child because effect on education was very negative video games to more increase crime, what real or virtual and how to behave society but it is undeniable that games today can be violence. To sum up, there are both advantage and disadvantage with computer games. both games are not suitable but in this day many games are more suitable for play child.
In recent
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time
we all
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child
access to internet and
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games
, more
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child
are playing game on computer.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
their popularity is increasing all
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time
.
Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
so
I will talk about this topic to
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positive
and
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nagative
effects.
Firstly
,
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many
children are giving
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time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and internet.
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in
addition, computer
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games
are
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very
Possible spelling mistake found.
helpfull
and it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
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child
development thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
include complicated problems which need to
be solved
.
However
,
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "many problems".
many problem
with increasing popularity of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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much
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child
addicted to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they play hours and hours,
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sometimes
through the night.
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in
a day
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government
has banned more
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games
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
effect on education was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to more increase crime, what real or virtual and how to behave society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can be violence. To sum up, there are both advantage and disadvantage with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not suitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more suitable for play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.

IELTS essay Nowadays children are habituated playing more video games on computer does this effect on brain development. to what extent do you agree and disagree

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
173 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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