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Nowadays children are becoming fatter and fatter. What are the reasons behind this? How this problem can be solved?

Nowadays children are becoming fatter and fatter. What are the reasons behind this? How this problem can be solved? p5JDm
Children are the backbone of nation and it is obvious that they play an immense role in holistic development. However, obesity in teenagers is an issue of concern as it gives birth to numerous diseases. Consumption of fast food, no participation in outdoor activities, dependent of technology are the main reasons behind this problem and these can be tackled by taking certain measures. To commence with, intake of junk food by children is increasing day by day. They prefer noodles, pizzas, pastas, burgers etc. everytime because these eatables are easily available in every nook and corner of the country. Fast foods, that are rich in calories, fats, bad cholesterol, carbohydrates causing a negative impact on the health of young individuals. In fact, every restaurant serve oily food which is not really good for our health. When children consumes food flooded with high proportion of oil, it ultimately increases their weight and also make them lazy. Moreover, children live a sedentary life and do not care about their health. They become dependant of technology, totally and completely. Always being sit infront of TV, computers, laptops also makes them obese. Their only interest is in these types of things and do noy give importance to exercise, physical or outdoor activites which can eventually create a detrimental imoact on their health. Nevertheless, this pressing issue can be tackled if government take proper initiatives. Government needs to make sports mandatory in every school's curriculum which will make studenys rejuvenated and enables them to be fit. Children can indulge in outdoor games which may helps them to remain physically fit and active. Additionally, encourage children to have a healthy diet such as milk, eggs, fish, vegetables, fruits which are really very worthwhile and can helo them ti grow because these are flooded with iron, vitamins, minerals and mainly calcium. As a result, fat of children can be reduced. To conclude, obesity in youngsters causes some adverse effect and give rise to such disease which cannot be handled easily. So, this issue can be resolved by appropriate steps.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the backbone of nation and it is obvious that they play an immense role in holistic development.
However
, obesity in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is an issue of concern as it gives birth to numerous diseases. Consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, no participation in outdoor activities, dependent of technology are the main reasons behind this problem and these can
be tackled
by taking certain measures.

To commence with, intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is increasing day by day. They prefer noodles, pizzas, pastas, burgers etc.
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these eatables are
easily
available in every nook and corner of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, that are rich in calories, fats,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cholesterol, carbohydrates causing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the health of young individuals. In fact, every restaurant serve oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our health. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consumes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
flooded with high proportion of oil, it
ultimately
increases their weight and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them lazy.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary life and do not care about their health. They become
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
of technology,
totally
and completely.
The adverb 'Always' usually goes after the verb 'being'.
Always being
Consider using a past participle here: "sat".
sit
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of TV, computers, laptops
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them obese. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interest is in these types of things and do
Possible spelling mistake found.
noy
give importance to exercise, physical or outdoor
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
which can
eventually
create a detrimental
Possible spelling mistake found.
imoact
on their health.

Nevertheless
, this pressing issue can
be tackled
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take proper initiatives.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sports mandatory in every school's curriculum which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
studenys
rejuvenated and enables them to
be fit
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can indulge in outdoor games which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to remain
physically
fit and active.
Additionally
, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a healthy diet such as milk, eggs, fish, vegetables, fruits which are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worthwhile and can
Possible spelling mistake found.
helo
them ti grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
are flooded
with iron, vitamins, minerals and
mainly
calcium.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
, obesity in youngsters causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effect and give rise to such disease which cannot
be handled
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this issue can
be resolved
by appropriate steps.
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IELTS essay Nowadays children are becoming fatter and fatter. What are the reasons behind this? How this problem can be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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