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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?\

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? \ ByEw
Most of the people work to earn money and enjoy their lives. In these days famous people like actors, singers and other artists can easily make more money than politicians. In the essay I am going to discuss the causes. And also will explore that, why it is negative development. Nowadays artists find more money than high ranked politicians. The reason for this is that, people are more interested in entertainment than politics. Celebrities bring more joy to the homes, while politicians bore people with being liar, and giving unachievable promises. Therefor demand for artists grow in the job market, and many Televisions hire these celebrities to absorb more viewers. With all these bad habits of politician, still every nation need politics to be connected with the world. However, there is high demand for artist to entertain people and show the culture of a country to the globe, but still in real world people will go after politics rather than art. For example let’s choose Hollywood and Bollywood. Actors in these industries earn more money and entertain people. On the same case they spread the culture to other countries, but still the importance of politics is high for their respective countries than art. Politics is backbone of the country in order to have good relationship with other countries in the world. To sum up, in recent years artists have been paid more than politician. In this essay I discussed the reason and stated its negative impacts. In my opinion this trend has negative improvement.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like actors, singers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
. In the essay I am going to discuss the causes. And
also
will explore that, why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
find more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than high ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
The reason for this is
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in entertainment than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politics
. Celebrities bring more joy to the homes, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
bore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with being liar, and giving unachievable promises. Therefor demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
grow in the job market, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Televisions hire these celebrities to absorb more viewers.

With all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politician
,
still
every nation need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politics
to
be connected
with the world.
However
, there is high demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the culture of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
in real world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will go after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politics
rather
than art.
For example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s choose Hollywood and Bollywood. Actors in these industries earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. On the same case they spread the culture to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politics
is high for their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than art.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Politics
is backbone of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.

To sum up, in recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have
been paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politician
. In this essay I discussed the reason and stated its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. In my opinion this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
improvement.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? \

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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