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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays it is becoming increasingly common for youngsters to start their independent life by moving out of their parents’ home after graduation from school. This trend has positive effects on society and the reasons behind it will be discussed next in this essay. There are various benefits for both young people and their parents when individuals start living independently after finishing school. Young adults, in this way, have to take care of their daily needs, from house chores, cooking or cleaning to financial independence. Thus, instead of wasting time on childish activities, they are motivated to learn skills and work part-time or full-time in order to cover their living expenses. Although it might seem challenging for them to live on their own at first, it would give them valuable experience, helping them to become mature, responsible adults. Parents would also be pleased with this practice since they can enjoy their own lives by having more time for themselves. Not only would they have more financial flexibility due to the independence of their children, but they also don’t have to change their habits in order to adapt to the new generation’s lifestyle. For instance, it allows many people to travel around the world, which would be impossible if their children were to stay with them after finishing high school. Admittedly, there might be some challenges involved in this way of life. In some cases and especially under the influence of new friends or housemates, youngsters might choose to get involved in dangerous activities that involve drugs or petty crimes. However, instead of keeping their children close through adulthood, parents should prepare in advance and raise their children to distinguish between right and wrong and teach them to take responsibility for their actions. In conclusion, although there might be some adverse consequences to this relatively new practice, I believe that the advantages of young people leaving family home outweigh its drawbacks, for both children and parents.
Nowadays it is becoming
increasingly
common for youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their independent life by moving out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
home after graduation from school. This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on society and the reasons behind it will
be discussed
next
in this essay.

There are various benefits for both young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living
independently
after finishing school. Young adults, in this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their daily needs, from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores, cooking or cleaning to financial independence.
Thus
,
instead
of wasting time on childish activities, they
are motivated
to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and work part-time or full-time in order to cover their living expenses. Although it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem challenging for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
at
first
, it would give them valuable experience, helping them to become mature, responsible adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
would
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with this practice since they can enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by having more time for themselves. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would they have more financial flexibility due to the independence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habits in order to adapt to the new generation’s lifestyle.
For instance
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel around the world, which would be impossible if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were to stay with them after finishing high school.

Admittedly
, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges involved in this way of life. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases and
especially
under the influence of new friends or housemates, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities that involve drugs or petty crimes.
However
,
instead
of keeping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
close through adulthood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should prepare in advance and raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and teach them to take responsibility for their actions.

In conclusion
, although there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
this
relatively
new practice, I believe that the advantages of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
leaving family home outweigh its drawbacks, for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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