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Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by a number of people that attending a performance in person is more sensational than watching it on television. While I agree that going to a live show is fascinating, I hold the belief that on-screen experience is also exhilarating. On the one hand, is is unequivocal that participating in live events offers certain privileges. To begin with, it allows the audience to immerse in every moment with all the dances, cheers, applause, and a sense of community. In fact, if fortunate enough, that audience might even have a chance to interact with celebrities on stage and become an actual part of the performance. Additionally, going to a live event is of positive effect on people’s social life as it is a perfect place to find and connect with others who share similar interests and hobbies. In other words, the sense of joy it brings can act as a booster to enhance relationships, creating indelible memories for everyone. On the other hand, ultimate convenience is the foremost reason holding one’s foot in front of the screen. Broadcasted shows costs almost nothing but a TV set, and in some cases, a premium subscription and people still enjoy the entire show without purchasing expensive tickets. Also, they are not to stand in queue for hours to enter a event, which is definitely a plus point for those with hectic schedules. Furthermore, these days modern television technology is to ensure the entertainment experience. With high-definition images, surround sound, and real-time commentary, the audience would not miss a single second of what is happening on a concert stage or a football field, and may even get a better look of the performers with close-up footages. In conclusion, both live performances and broadcasted shows serve the audience with different pleasures. Therefore, people should choose their favorite one based on personal preference.
It
is believed
by a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that attending a performance in person is more sensational than watching it on television. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
is fascinating, I hold the belief that on-screen experience is
also
exhilarating.

On the one hand,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
unequivocal that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
offers certain privileges. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
to immerse in every moment with all the dances, cheers, applause, and a sense of community. In fact, if fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
might even have a chance to interact with celebrities on stage and become an actual part of the performance.
Additionally
, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social life as it is a perfect place to find and connect with others who share similar interests and hobbies.
In other words
, the sense of joy it brings can act as a booster to enhance relationships, creating indelible memories for everyone.

On the other hand
, ultimate convenience is the foremost reason holding one’s foot in front of the screen. Broadcasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
costs almost nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a TV set, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, a premium subscription and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
enjoy the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
without purchasing expensive tickets.
Also
, they are not to stand in queue for hours to enter
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, which is definitely a plus point for those with hectic schedules.
Furthermore
, these days modern television technology is to ensure the entertainment experience. With high-definition images, surround sound, and real-time commentary, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
would not miss a single second of what is happening on a concert stage or a football field, and may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better look of the performers with close-up
Possible spelling mistake found.
footages
.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances and broadcasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pleasures.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose their favorite one based on personal preference.
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IELTS essay Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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