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Nowadays advertising plays a crucial role in TV’s world

Nowadays advertising plays a crucial role in TV’s world. TV commercials have been effective to buy a product. In particular, advertising directed toward young children can involve some dangerous situations. I agree with the statement that these advertisements should not be allowed because of certain reasons such as behaviour disorder and unnecessary expenses. First of all, producers have a commercial concern and they are using children for trade targets. It is clear that parents have to pay unnecessary expenses due to advertising. To illustrate, children are watching cartoons which are quite fascinating in their imagination. Manufacturer produces cartoon characters’s toys and puts advertisements on TV and ınternet. Also these toys can be more expensive as parent’s budget. Therefore, kids who see advertisements will want to buy and play with all toys. As a result, they are encouraged to their parents spend unnecessary expenses by the commercials. I think that producers must not use kids like a tool for money making worries. Secondly, despite the fact that the advertisements are as short as two or five minutes, children can be affected by advertisements for a long time. If we observe their behaviour and attitude, we may notice that children show disorders. For instance, children who expose negative effects of commercials display insatiable and aggressive attitudes because advertising producers attempt to persuade kids to buy a new product constantly. Moreover, they will not be able to change these habits when they grow up. For that reason, advertisements targeting children require detailed examination by experts. If experts do not confirm these advertisements, it should not be allowed. To sum up, ı strongly believe that commercials have a huge and misleading impact on children and parents. These commercials can cause unfavorable behaviour and cost. Consequently, the family budget and their personalities could suffer. Government and people who take out advertisements should tackle this issue.
Nowadays advertising plays a crucial role in TV’s world. TV commercials have been effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product.
In particular
, advertising directed toward young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain reasons such as
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
disorder and unnecessary expenses.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, producers have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
concern and
they are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for trade targets. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay unnecessary expenses due to advertising. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching cartoons which are quite fascinating in their imagination. Manufacturer produces cartoon
Did you mean “character’s” or “characters’”?
characters’s
toys and puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on TV and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ınternet
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
these toys can be more expensive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
budget.
Therefore
, kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and play with all toys.
As a result
, they
are encouraged
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend unnecessary expenses by the commercials. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that producers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
kids like a tool for money making worries.

Secondly
, despite the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are as short as two or five minutes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for a long time. If we observe their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
and attitude, we may notice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
disorders.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who expose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of commercials display insatiable and aggressive attitudes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advertising producers attempt to persuade kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new product
constantly
.
Moreover
, they will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
these habits when they grow up. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
require detailed examination by experts. If experts do not confirm these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, it should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.

To sum up, ı
strongly
believe that commercials have a huge and misleading impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. These commercials can cause unfavorable
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
and cost.
Consequently
, the family budget and their personalities could suffer.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should tackle this issue.
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IELTS essay Nowadays advertising plays a crucial role in TV’s world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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