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Nowadays a lot of people have asses to computer and children enjoy bplayong phone games. What is the advantage and disadvantages of children playing video games

Nowadays a lot of people have asses to computer and children enjoy bplayong phone games. What is the advantage and disadvantages of children playing video games wM9eN
In our rapidly changing time there is nothing so valuable, but technology. It plays great role in all sphere of our life. Especially, without telephone and computer we cannot imagine our life. One of advantage of using technology is giving us convenience and rapidness in everything. We can contact if we need it anywhere and any time. We can easily find relevant information if we need it by using internet. Playing computer and phone games are also helpful to improve our children's mental development. On the other hand, surfing on the internet, playing computer games have disadvantage too. It takes our valuable time which we should have used for studying or working on ourselves. Moreover, they can influence to our children's health negatively. It is harm for their brain and eyes. It takes their energy and time so that they cannot concentrate on studying. According to the statistics little children are so addicted to the games of phone that they are cross if they are not allowed to play them. It shows that using these kind of gadjets can influence badly to our children's psychological side of their health. Taking into consideration all above mentioned ideas I can easily conclude that playing computer and phone games have both sides which are beneficial and harmful for our life. And we should keep balance in usage of them.
In our
rapidly
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
technology. It plays great role in all sphere of our life.
Especially
, without telephone and computer we cannot imagine our life. One of advantage of using technology is giving us convenience and rapidness in everything. We can contact if we need it anywhere and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We can
easily
find relevant information if we need it by using internet. Playing computer and phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our children's mental development.

On the other hand
, surfing on the internet, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have disadvantage too. It takes our valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which we should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for studying or working on ourselves.
Moreover
, they can influence to our children's health
negatively
. It is harm for their brain and eyes. It takes their energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot concentrate on studying. According to the statistics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
of phone that they are cross if they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that using
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
gadjets
can influence
badly
to our children's psychological side of their health.

Taking into consideration all above mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
I can
easily
conclude that playing computer and phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have both sides which are beneficial and harmful for our life. And we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance in usage of them.
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IELTS essay Nowadays a lot of people have asses to computer and children enjoy bplayong phone games. What is the advantage and disadvantages of children playing video games

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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