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nowadays a higher number of games played by men are broadcast, compared to that of women

nowadays a higher number of games played by men are broadcast, compared to that of women 0wMdO
It is the fact that, nowadays a higher number of games played by men are broadcast, compared to that of women. A growing number of people having more interest in men’s sporting events is the main reason for this and I believe that equal attention should be paid to women’s sport. Granted, man’s sport is appealing the audience than women’s sport. The chief of this is that the investors tend to invest more money in man’s sport. To illustrate, spending on man’s sport can earn significantly more money than the women’s sport. In addition, there are an old-fashioned belief in many countries that women should do the household chore not play sport. Take Indonesia or Pakistan for example, they have a rule that restrict women from driving, playing sport or even working. However, with the development of people’s wisdom around the world, women should be given an equality in gender. By giving them the same time broadcast as the man’s sport, it can change the mind of user that woman’s sport is also as competitive as men’s sport. Furthermore, it can remove the prejudice that women should only do the household chore, which is important step to bring woman in Indonesia or Pakistan for example, socializing with the community. In conclusion, a wider audience watching men’s sports channels is the most important reason why TV producers provide more men’s shows than women’s shows. I think it is better to raise the public awareness about female sports to end gender discrimination.
It is the fact that, nowadays a higher number of games played by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are broadcast, compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. A growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is the main reason for this and I believe that equal attention should
be paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
sport.

Granted,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is appealing the audience than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. The chief of this is that the investors tend to invest more money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. To illustrate, spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can earn
significantly
more money than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
In addition
, there are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned belief in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should do the household chore not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Take Indonesia or Pakistan
for example
, they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from driving, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or even working.

However
, with the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s wisdom around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equality in gender. By giving them the same time broadcast as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mind of user that woman’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
also
as competitive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Furthermore
, it can remove the prejudice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the household chore, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step to bring woman in Indonesia or Pakistan
for example
, socializing with the community.

In conclusion
, a wider audience watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why TV producers provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to raise the public awareness about female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
gender discrimination.
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IELTS essay nowadays a higher number of games played by men are broadcast, compared to that of women

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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