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Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated. Do the benefits of machines automation outweigh the drawbacks

Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated. Do the benefits of machines automation outweigh the drawbacks YBBDK
In the contemporary world, machines are taking place of human workers. Numerous heavy and tough works are being done by mechanism. Why the benefits of machines are more? It will be discussed in upcoming paragraph with suitable examples. To embark on, the technology is developed so much in the world. Sometimes people die in some such works; for example: -coal mines, gold mines Etecetra. So if machines take place if these workers, the life danger of persons will be decreased. Moreover, in several Institutes for instance: -schools, hospitals, banks etecetra all the records are contained in computers. They not only work accurate but also contain records for long time. Additionally, machines are stronger than individuals, so they do heavy work at fast speed and do not feel tired. In addition to it, if we take the example of hospitals, robotic surgeons do all the surgries and operations. However, automatic machines do work fast so, people had enough time to spend with their families. In controversial, the roses do not exist without thorns, similarly it had few demerits. Firstly, man will be unemployed if machines do all their office works. Secondly, sometimes technology like computers get out of order or hacked by hackers, then all the data get erased from them. What is more, insufficient knowledge of machines also cause injuries and accidents; for example: - if a man drive a new technological car and he does not have knowledge about it, it would cause problems and can become reason of death either. To sum up, although, it had a few disadvantages. Yet, the advantages of robotic machines cannot be denied. In twentieth century, modern man cannot run without machines even a single minute
In the contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are taking place of human workers. Numerous heavy and tough works are
being done
by mechanism. Why the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are more? It will
be discussed
in upcoming paragraph with suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
. To embark on, the technology
is developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much in the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
such works; for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: -coal mines, gold mines
Possible spelling mistake found.
Etecetra
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
take place if these workers, the life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of persons will
be decreased
.
Moreover
, in several Institutes
for instance
: -schools, hospitals, banks
Possible spelling mistake found.
etecetra
all the records
are contained
in computers. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
accurate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contain records for long time.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are stronger than individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
speed and do not feel tired.
In addition
to it, if we take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of hospitals, robotic surgeons do all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
surgries
and operations.
However
, automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their families. In controversial, the roses do not exist without thorns,
similarly
it had few demerits.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
will
be unemployed
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do all their office works.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
technology like computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of order or hacked by hackers, then all the data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
erased from them.
What is more
, insufficient knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
also
cause injuries and accidents; for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
:
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
drive a new technological
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car and
he does not have knowledge about it, it would cause problems and can become reason of death either. To sum up, although, it had a few disadvantages.
Yet
, the advantages of robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
cannot
be denied
. In twentieth century, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
cannot run without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
even a single
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
minute
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IELTS essay Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated. Do the benefits of machines automation outweigh the drawbacks

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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