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Is government spending too much money on arts

Is government spending too much money on arts 5339n
Allocation of governments’ budget is one of the key points for political discussion. Among the topics such as public health care, military, education, and emergency aids, some people might think spending related to the arts is less important than others. However, this essay will argue that public support for cultural activities are extremely important because of two reasons. First of all, cultural activities are actually beneficial for human’s happiness. These days, it is well known that economical wealth does not not necessary contribute to mental satisfaction. Some people might find it very hard to keep their mental health stable from our busy modern life style. Here we can see the potential for arts. More and more research discover that people can be relaxed and feel positive when they listen to music or see beautiful art works. This would eventually increase people’s performance and give positive impact in the long term. Second reason is the effect for education. Music, paintings and other forms of art activities are tremendously effective to child education. Some scientists shows the connection between these activities and children’s brain development. Even though it is not so obvious at first, this will positively impact their future. Increasing people’s happiness and education is definitely the main functions that the government needs to take the responsibility for the society. In that sense, it would make sense for governments to spend the money for arts.
Allocation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ budget is one of the key points for political discussion. Among the topics such as public health care, military,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and emergency aids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
spending related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than others.
However
, this essay will argue that public support for cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are actually beneficial for human’s happiness. These days, it is well known that economical wealth does
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not not
necessary contribute to mental satisfaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mental health stable from our busy modern life style. Here we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the potential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. More and more research discover that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be relaxed
and feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
when they listen to music or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works. This would
eventually
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
performance and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in the long term.

Second reason is the effect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Music, paintings and other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
tremendously
effective to child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scientists
You should probably use "show".
shows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and children’s brain development.
Even though
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obvious at
first
, this will
positively
impact their future.

Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
happiness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is definitely the main functions that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to take the responsibility for the society. In that sense, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to spend the money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
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IELTS essay Is government spending too much money on arts

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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