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Now a days young people spend too much of their free time in shopping mall. Some people fear that this may have negative effect on young people and Society they live in . To whatextend do you agree or disagree.

Now a days young people spend too much of their free time in shopping mall. Some people fear that this may have negative effect on young people and Society they live in. To whatextend xmmb1
Few individuals have a phobia with regard to the harmful effect of spending time in shopping mall by the youngsters in their spare time. I am a strong advocate of this approach due to some reasonable factors which will be demonstrated in further content of essay. First and foremost, to commence with, effect of spending time in shopping mall is creating a lot of rubbish. To explicate it, people now a days follow the method of use and throw, in which they purchase new things and after utilising it, they threw it on the ground and into the trash bin which lead to not only the garbage but also soil pollution. A study conducted by WHO, in 2017, for instance, reported that almost 60% trash come from the household things which is purchased by the people in their spare time. It increse the price of a product, furthermore, which is purchased by the people and become mere expensive. To elaborate it, if people demand for one thing on high scale as a result the price of it become too high to purchase by middle class people. To epitome, a Survey recruited by 'Chicago University' of America in 2018 reported that approximately 76% things become out of range for poor people. Moreover, people also demotivated by those people who spent their leisure time in shopping malls because by watching them other people also go their and waste their precious time. To sum up, after discussing the pertinent point related to this issue, only sensible conclusion is that spending some time in shopping mall has many negative impacts on environment as well as society.
Few individuals have a phobia with regard to the harmful effect of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
by the youngsters in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I am a strong advocate of this approach due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasonable factors which will
be demonstrated
in
further
content of essay.
First
and foremost, to commence with, effect of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
is creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
rubbish. To explicate it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
follow the method of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and throw, in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
new things and after
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
it, they threw it on the ground and into the trash bin which lead to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the garbage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
soil pollution. A study conducted by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, in 2017,
for instance
, reported that almost 60% trash
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the household things which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
increse
the price of a product,
furthermore
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and become mere expensive. To elaborate it, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demand for one thing on high scale
as a result
the price of it become too high to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
by middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To epitome, a Survey recruited by 'Chicago University' of America in 2018 reported that approximately 76% things become out of range for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
demotivated by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spent their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by watching them other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
go their and waste their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To sum up, after discussing the pertinent point related to this issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sensible conclusion is that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on environment
as well
as society.
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IELTS essay Now a days young people spend too much of their free time in shopping mall. Some people fear that this may have negative effect on young people and Society they live in. To whatextend

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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