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Now a days some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own? Do you think the popularity of mobile phone is good or bad thing?

Now a days some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own? Do you think the popularity of mobile phone is good or bad thing? k0AO
These days some youth believe that the cellphone gain lot of popularity due to advancement of Technology and it is mandatory thing they on so I think it is a positive impact when youngster have electronic gadgets so there are plenty of merits which I will explicate in upcoming paragraph including example and conclusion to commence with the advantages for this is people can feel safe under the emergency situation when they have their cell phone in other words electronic gadgets are interlinked with the technology so whenever youngster have to trouble any health problems and some dangerous incident on that time they can easily contact to the ambulance fire brigade which provide them assistant in emergency situations so due to this they can not only protect their self but also they don't need to anyone for there help moving towards electronic gadgets is also the main source of gaining knowledge about the distinct type of field such as a education system and Medical System by searching the information about the particular field going to this they cannot only obtain knowledge but also they can increase their creativity power for example due to covid-19 all Educational Centre had been closed you didn't face any difficult to complete their syllabus because they have their own mobile which give them that is section as well as make them creative by spending most of the time on electronic devices. To conclude, although due to advancement of Technology phone has becoming popular in all over the world but it is proven very beneficial for youngster they do not have need to find difficult in emergency situation.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "youths"?
youth
believe that the cellphone gain lot of popularity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to advancement of Technology and it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a mandatory" or "is an mandatory"
is mandatory
thing they on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact when youngster
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of merits which I will explicate in upcoming paragraph including example and conclusion to commence with the advantages for this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can feel safe under the emergency situation when they have their cell phone
in other words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets
are interlinked
with the technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
whenever youngster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
trouble any health problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
incident on that time they can
easily
contact to the ambulance fire brigade which provide them assistant in emergency situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
protect their self
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they don't need to anyone for there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to move" or "move".
moving
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets is
also
the main source of gaining knowledge about the distinct type of field such as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
education system and Medical System by searching the information about the particular field going to this they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obtain knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can increase their creativity power
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
all Educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
had
been closed
you didn't face any difficult to complete their syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile which give them
that is
section
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them creative by spending most of the time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
devices.
To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to advancement of Technology phone has becoming popular in all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is proven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for youngster they do not have need to find difficult in emergency situation.
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IELTS essay Now a days some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own? Do you think the popularity of mobile phone is good or bad thing?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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