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laser is a growing industry but people no longer entertain themselves as much as the used because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree.

laser is a growing industry but people no longer entertain themselves as much as the used because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. 05q3
It is true, that in a modern globalisation without technology and mobile phones we are handicapped. Hindi modern era people became less and 18 and less creative. Partially agree in this asset that it depends on the people that how they want to pass the leisure time. First and foremost reason, people want to pass the leisure time to entertain themselves on their own, because nowadays people have a hectic workload and they become workaholic person to fulfill their basic necessity and achieve some more wages. this indicates that if a person who works in an IT department can spend their entire day on laptop, due to that reason they cannot contact their friends for entertainment purpose, because to complete the project, for example. One more important point, people tends to pass their free time to entertain themselves as per the particular time, due to the reason in technologies and several software which connects their friend and even they make video calls Ho live overseas and there are some application that help to entertain people at anytime, anywhere for example TV shows for Netflix and Amazon prime to pass the leisure time. On the other side, however, compared to past people cannot entertain themselves because of technology, who drives modern people in modern era, while in past old people and the group of children can enjoy and entertain themselves in their leisure time. For example decades ago people have a specific time where they spent the leisure time get together and make laughter in conference, where as compared to now it does not achieved in village also. In addition there are are certain kinds of technology and games which is detrimental for the health and creativity of children. This indicates that included with gaming console and VFX can decrease the level of thinking of people as well as children. On the basis of on the points mentioned above, indicates that due to the increase of technology people spend their leisure time on their own and technology affects on the mind also.
It is true, that in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and mobile phones we
are handicapped
. Hindi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became less and 18 and less creative.
Partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in this asset that it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that how they want to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time.

First
and foremost reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertain
themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hectic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workload and
they become workaholic person to fulfill their basic necessity and achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more wages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
indicates that if a person who works in an IT department can spend their entire day on laptop, due to that reason they cannot contact their friends for entertainment purpose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to complete the project,
for example
. One more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to pass their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertain
themselves as per the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, due to the reason in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and
Possible agreement error. The noun software seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some software".
several software
which connects their friend and even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls Ho
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
overseas and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
application that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at anytime, anywhere
for example
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for Netflix and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Amazon prime
to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time.

On the other side,
however
, compared to past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertain
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, who drives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, while in past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the group of children can enjoy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertain
themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
decades ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a specific
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they spent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laughter in conference,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "achieve"
achieved
in village
also
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
there
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
certain kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and games which is detrimental for the health and creativity of children. This indicates that included with gaming console and VFX can decrease the level of thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as children.

On the basis of on the points mentioned above, indicates that due to the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects on the mind
also
.
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IELTS essay laser is a growing industry but people no longer entertain themselves as much as the used because the use of modern technology has made them less creative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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