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Some people say that children should aid their parents with houseworks while others suggest that children should be given more freedom after schools. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that children should aid their parents with houseworks while others suggest that children should be given more freedom after schools. 7ORn
It is true that individuals often debate whether youngsters should assist their parents with houseworks after their school or not. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this argument before a proper conclusion is drown. On the one hand, there are some benefits of encouraging youth to do some works at home. To begin with, according to elder people's notions, we can point out the idea that the children who always help their parents with housetasks, they are more responsible for their family. To give a better idea, by doing this activity youngsters would have a strong relationship with their parents. Additionally, their parents will believe them anything, which would be a great motivation for their offsprings in their daily life. Moreover, children in this type will better prepared for their future life. Because of, they know what item is necessary for their house or what sorts of vegetables should be bought. On the other hand, as everything has own opposite side, there are a few number of people who put forward the idea that children should spend their leisure time how they want. First of all, it is clear that youngsters should play some games or even spend their time with their bodies. To demonstrate, most children play computer games although it is harmful for them. Secondly, they have a chance to go extra courses apart from their schools. To illustrate, children have to go to educational centres in order to develop their academic skills. Finally, by encouraging them to do houseworks, parents can witnessed some changes in children's behavior. To exemplify, most youngsters do not want to do this kind of work, since their interest to study or walking with their friends is high. In conclusion, after discussing aforementioned views now we can point out that there a numerous of advantages of helping their parents with houseworks. Nevertheless, we should not ignore that parents can create an opportunity for their children to develop their knowledge dispite of spending their precious time at home.
It is true that individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate whether youngsters should assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
after their school or not. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a proper conclusion is
Consider using a past participle here: "drowned".
drown
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of encouraging youth to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works at home. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, according to elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's notions, we can point out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
housetasks
, they are more responsible for their family. To give a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, by doing this activity youngsters would have a strong relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Additionally
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will believe them anything, which would be a great motivation for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in their daily life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in this type will better prepared for their future life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of, they know what item is necessary for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or what sorts of vegetables should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.

On the other hand
, as everything has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opposite side, there are a
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their leisure time how they want.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that youngsters should play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games or even spend their time with their bodies. To demonstrate, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play computer games although it is harmful for them.
Secondly
, they have a chance to go extra courses apart from their schools. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in order to develop their academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Finally
, by encouraging them to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in children's behavior. To exemplify, most youngsters do not want to do this kind of work, since their interest to study or walking with their friends is high.

In conclusion
, after discussing aforementioned views
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can point out that there
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
advantages of helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
.
Nevertheless
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can create an opportunity for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop their knowledge
Possible spelling mistake found.
dispite
of spending their precious time at home.
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IELTS essay Some people say that children should aid their parents with houseworks while others suggest that children should be given more freedom after schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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