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Now a days people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is  and how can this problem be solved?

Now a days people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is and how can this problem be solved? 9Non
Its irrefutable to say that world has been attaining unhealthy lifestyle recently. However, it may have various reasons but technology development and busy schedules can be considered as the main reasons. This essay will shed light over these both reasons leading to resolution in impending paragraphs. First and foremost, the advancement in technology not only providing the comfort to the people but indirectly, propelling them towards unhealthy daily routines. To elaborate, ever since technology came into place with alluring comfort such as mobile phones, television, travelling conveyance and what not, have turned people’s routine into sedentary lifestyle. Resultantly, public have started avoiding physical activities in every case and have made theirselves addicted to these comfortable facilities lead to unhealthy lifestyle. For example, as per an article published in the newspaper named “The Tribune” in India penned by Dr. Ravish Mehta in June 2019 asserted that most of the people were unhealthy because of the recent development in technology which provided them incomparable comfort to their recent amenities and could not resist themselves to sustain unhealthy routine. Furthermore, apart from technology enhancement, busy schedule of people is also making their lifestyle unhealthy. To substantiate, as almost everyone is engrossed in their mundane affairs whether jobs or other sort of works, is not being capable of managing the lack of time and have to consume fast food on daily basis. Thus, the world has witnessed that unhygienic making people worst on their healths. For instance, one of my colleagues is possessing very unhealthy lifestyle because of his swamped routine. Since, he is doing two jobs and cannot get enough time to cook for himself and he has to consume frozen food all week and adopted unhealthy lifestyle. Regardless of above causes, there are numerous ways by which people can get rid of unhealthy lifestyle. Most importantly, public should be taught on merits and demerits of technology over-reliance. Nevertheless, it is public own preference that how much they should rely on the comfort provided by technology but at some point it becomes necessary to educate them by organising seminars and lectures in order to save them from unhealthy lifestyle. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that unhealthy lifestyle is biproduct of comfort provided by advent technology and hectic schedule which insistins public to consume unhygienic food. As every problem has a resolution, government can create an awareness and can save their public from sustaining unhealthy routines.
Did you mean "It's" (="It is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
irrefutable to say that world has been attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
recently.
However
, it may have various reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development and busy schedules can
be considered
as the main reasons. This essay will shed light over these both reasons leading to resolution in impending paragraphs.

First
and foremost, the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comfort
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
indirectly
, propelling them towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routines
. To elaborate, ever since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
came into place with alluring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comfort
such as mobile phones, television, travelling conveyance and what not, have turned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
into sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Resultantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
avoiding physical activities in every case and have made
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
addicted to these comfortable facilities lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
For example
, as per an article published in the newspaper named “The Tribune” in India penned by Dr. Ravish
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mehta
in June 2019 asserted that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the recent development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which provided them incomparable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comfort
to their recent amenities and could not resist themselves to sustain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
routine.

Furthermore
, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enhancement, busy schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
also
making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
. To substantiate, as almost everyone
is engrossed
in their mundane affairs whether jobs or other sort of works, is not being capable of managing the lack of time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food on daily basis.
Thus
, the world has witnessed that unhygienic making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
.
For instance
, one of my colleagues
The verb 'possessing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his swamped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
. Since, he is doing two jobs and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
himself and
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
consume frozen food all week and adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle.

Regardless of above causes, there are numerous ways by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Most
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should
be taught
on merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
over-reliance.
Nevertheless
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preference that how much they should rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comfort
provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point it becomes necessary to educate them by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
seminars and lectures in order to save them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle.

To encapsulate, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
biproduct
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comfort
provided by advent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and hectic schedule which
Possible spelling mistake found.
insistins
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to consume unhygienic food. As every problem has a resolution,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can create an awareness and can save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
from sustaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routines
.
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IELTS essay Now a days people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is and how can this problem be solved?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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