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Now a days many parents buy toys for thier children. Advatages outwigh disadvantages

Now a days many parents buy toys for thier children. Advatages outwigh disadvantages NJ6b
Mostly parents want to fulfill their child’s every wish. These days parents are not reluctant to provide loads of toys to their children. Although some might consider it negative. However, I strongly consider it highly beneficial. Not only because of language skills and creative skills, nonetheless because of entertainment. This essay will explore how these mega benefits of toys compensate the demerits. Firstly, playing with toys can enhance their creativity. As due to the advancement in the technology, companies are focusing on making toys more creative then the past like building blocks, musical toys, puzzle cards and many more. This can be better explained with an example of report published by California Health Center, which depicts huge number of successful players and scientists often played with toys in their childhood. Thus, it is crucial for the parents to provide toys for the mental health of the children. Secondly, apart from the creativity, toys are very entertaining. Entertainment can be the major benefit associated with toys. As children need to get themselves fresh after the long day at school. They must needed to relax their minds for better working next day. Toys also a kind of tool to restrict children to move around and indulge themselves in some sort of bad habits. For instance, a famous player Messi once shared his childhood story that how his parents always surrounded him with loads of toys. Hence, providing children with different toys is good source of entertainment for them. On the other hand, toys are also very distracting. As if a child always keep himself busy playing with toys. It might affect his/her studies, moreover it could be result in failure. To sum-up, even though toys might have certain drawbacks, but I believe that merits it brings in terms of entertainment, creativity and skills are more important.
Mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to fulfill their child’s every wish. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not reluctant to provide loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might consider it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
However
, I
strongly
consider it
highly
beneficial. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, nonetheless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of entertainment. This essay will explore how these mega benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
compensate the demerits.

Firstly
, playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can enhance their creativity. As due to the advancement in the technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are focusing on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
more creative
Did you mean "than"?
then
the past like building blocks, musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, puzzle cards and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. This can be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
with an example of report published by California Health Center, which depicts huge number of successful players and scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
played with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in their childhood.
Thus
, it is crucial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for the mental health of the children.

Secondly
, apart from the creativity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining. Entertainment can be the major benefit associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves fresh after the long day at school. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
needed to relax their minds for better working
next
day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
also
a kind of tool to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around and indulge themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
player Messi once shared his childhood story that how his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always surrounded him with loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Hence
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of entertainment for them.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
distracting.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
if a child always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself busy playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. It might affect his/her studies,
moreover
it could be result in failure.

To sum-up,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
might have certain drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that merits it brings in terms of entertainment, creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
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IELTS essay Now a days many parents buy toys for thier children. Advatages outwigh disadvantages

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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