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not many people in countries in the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend and learn more about this genre of art?

not many people in countries in the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend and learn more about this genre of art? VwGaA
The minority of the youth tend to enjoy and take part in activities such as going to various theatre plays and concerts all around the world. The main reason for this can be considered as the accessibility, variety of these types of entertainments, and I believe that adolescents must be encouraged to attend them. In my opinion, for the particular reason of the internet younger part of the population is not attending to such events. This means that the information online and platforms as Netflix and HBO is enough for them to watch movies, plays or listen to music. For example, in the past year, we were in the middle of a pandemic and theatres, halls were closed. Therefore, the youth used such platforms for the entertainment purposes. Furthermore, considering that the majority of the aforementioned event facilities are currently opening, they should be more eager to attend. In order to achieve this, governments should inform them about the upcoming events, and the ticket prices should be more affordable for the students. For example, certain tickets are extremely expensive for some young individuals and they are less likely to attend. Moreover, my point of view is that if there will be more appropriate fees for the event, they will be more encouraged to attend them. In conclusion, there is a vast range of entertainment types in the internet, and the youth can be attracted to these events through the way of encouragement of government actions.
The minority of the youth tend to enjoy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities such as going to various
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
plays and concerts all around the world. The main reason for this can
be considered
as the accessibility, variety of these types of entertainments, and I believe that adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
them.

In my opinion, for the particular reason of the internet younger part of the population is not attending to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. This means that the information online and platforms as Netflix and HBO is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, plays or listen to music.
For example
, in the past year, we were in the middle of a pandemic and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, halls
were closed
.
Therefore
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
such platforms for the entertainment purposes.

Furthermore
, considering that the majority of the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
facilities are
currently
opening, they should be more eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
. In order to achieve this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should inform them about the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, and the ticket prices should be more affordable for the students.
For example
, certain tickets are
extremely
expensive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
they are less likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
.
Moreover
, my point of view is that if there will be more appropriate fees for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, they will be more encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
them.

In conclusion
, there is a vast range of entertainment types
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
, and the youth can
be attracted
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
through the way of encouragement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
actions.
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IELTS essay not many people in countries in the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend and learn more about this genre of art?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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