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No money and possessions can give you joy as much as family and friends can.

No money and possessions can give you joy as much as family and friends can. 6NOYW
No money and possessions can give you joy as much as family and friends can. In my opinion, I strongly agree that our family and friends are more important than all the possessions and money in the world. Yet, there are a lot of people that also believe that money and possessions can bring them more happiness than family and friends. Furthermore, I will explain the reasons of both opinions in the following paragraph. Defining people point of view of happiness. there are many people who believe that money and obsessions can bring them more happiness than family or friends. Because some might have never felt happy with their families and friends the way they felt happy with money and obsessions. because they might have had a really bad family that never showed them love or stood by them in their hard times. Moreover, some never had any family or friends in their entire life and all they had was money and possessions. this could be the reason why many people don’t know the worth of family or friends. Furthermore, there are also people that would do everything for their family and friends. And will choose their family and friends over all the obsessions and money in the world. Because their family always cared about them and raised them to be the way they are now. Moreover, both their family and friends always stood by their side in their rainy days. In conclusion, I believe that no such thing in this life that can replace your family and friends because the happiness they bring to you is priceless
No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
can give you joy as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can.

In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the world.
Yet
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
can bring them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Furthermore
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons of both opinions in the following paragraph.

Defining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
point of view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and obsessions can bring them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might have never felt happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
the way they felt happy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and obsessions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
they might have had a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or stood by them in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
never had any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in their entire life and all they had was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
could be the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t know the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or friends.

Furthermore
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that would do everything for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. And will choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
over all the obsessions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always cared about them and raised them to be the way they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Moreover
, both their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
always stood by their side in their rainy days.

In conclusion
, I believe that no such thing in this life that can replace your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
they bring to you is priceless
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IELTS essay No money and possessions can give you joy as much as family and friends can.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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