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Negative effect of the Internet

Negative effect of the Internet 9LYy0
It is generally believed that the Internet has deeply filtrated into every piece of our daily life, included the communication, the education, the entertainment and other aspects of our life. However, when talking about the effect of the Internet, it seems that most people are too optimistic to let the Internet develop limitlessly. Given my perspective, the negative effect of the Internet should be paid more attention actually. To begin with, we are suffering from the plethora of the uncensored and negative information on the Internet, which includes violence, pornography, superstition and so on. Such kind of information spread out rapidly and was easily accessible through various ways such as ads and articles. The fact is, for those people who have enough judgment to the information, the information mentioned above could not be a problem, but for those who have not enough judgment such as teenagers and kids, the bad information could lead to a terrible result. I still remember that `daily news has reported a controversial news in 2012: A 16 years-old boy, called Ma, killed 7 people in his community with some cruel approaches. Just because he has seen an article which topic was “100 ways to kill a man” on the Internet, and just wanted to “have a try”. This kind of thing occurs repeatedly, makes us think about the negative effect of the information from the Internet and the importance of the censorship of the Internet information. Moreover, the Internet has partially replaced the interpersonal communication in the real social life, and makes people feel alienated in the real world. The advent of online social network such as Twitter and Facebook has changed our method about making friend. For example, we were used to acquaint some new friends by face-to-face talking and chatting, but now maybe what we need to do is just clicking the “follow” button and clicking the “like” button sporadically on the online social network. That makes people could only receive a comfort communication-zone on the Internet and feel nervous and anxious when they have some face-to-face communication. When I eat out will my friends, everyone just chat on his/her cellphone and maybe someone suddenly takes a photo and posts it on the Twitter, and then others give some “likes” to his/her photo, that all. Hence, the Internet plays a negative role in our communication, makes people only accustomed to the virtual world, not the real world. Some health questions, in addition, should be ascribed to the Internet also. It is quite common that people seems not likely to go out in some cases. For instance, when people want to buy something, they just need to login his/her e-bay or amazon account, put the target in the shopping cart, pay for it and receive the package. All the procedure is performed indoor, and it will reduce people’s opportunity of going out and exercising. Same circumstances occur everywhere, and the lack of chance to go out caused by the Internet should be considered as an important source of many diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, overweight etc. In general, though the Internet has facilitated our life significantly, the negative effect of the Internet should not be ignored also. Only with the correct and revised approaches, the Internet could be used as a powerful tool in our future life.
It is
generally
believed that the Internet has
deeply
filtrated into every piece of our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, included the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, the education, the entertainment and other aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, when talking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of the Internet, it seems that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too optimistic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the Internet develop
limitlessly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of the Internet should
be paid
more attention actually.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we are suffering from the plethora of the uncensored and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the Internet, which includes violence, pornography, superstition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
spread out
rapidly
and was
easily
accessible through various ways such as ads and articles. The fact is, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
judgment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
mentioned above could not be a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for those who have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
judgment such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and kids, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could lead to a terrible result. I
still
remember that `daily news has reported
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "controversial news".
a controversial news
in 2012: A 16 years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, called Ma, killed 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in his community with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cruel approaches.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an article which topic was “100 ways to kill a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
” on the Internet, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wanted to “have a try”. This kind of thing occurs
repeatedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the Internet and the importance of the censorship of the Internet information.

Moreover
, the Internet has
partially
replaced the interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
in the real social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel alienated in the real world. The advent of online social network such as Twitter and Facebook has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our method about making friend.
For example
, we were
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to acquainting".
used to acquaint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new friends by face-to-face talking and chatting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
maybe what we need to do is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking the “follow” button and clicking the “like” button
sporadically
on the online social network. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
receive a comfort communication-zone on the Internet and feel nervous and anxious when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. When I eat out will my friends, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chats", "chatted".
chat
on his/her cellphone and maybe someone
suddenly
takes a photo and posts it on the Twitter, and then others give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
“likes” to his/her photo, that all.
Hence
, the Internet plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accustomed to the virtual world, not the real world.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
health questions,
in addition
, should
be ascribed
to the Internet
also
. It is quite common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
seems
not likely to go out in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to
Did you mean the verb "log in" instead of the noun 'login'?
login
his/her e-bay or
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
account, put the target in the shopping cart, pay for it and receive the package. All the procedure
is performed
indoor, and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opportunity of going out and exercising. Same circumstances occur everywhere, and the lack of chance to go out caused by the Internet should
be considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, overweight etc.

In general
, though the Internet has facilitated our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
significantly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of the Internet should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
also
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
with the correct and revised approaches, the Internet could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a powerful tool in our future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Negative effect of the Internet

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
555 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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