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Allergies are an overreaction of the immune system to certain stimuli. One view is that allergies can develop as the result of childhood exposure to certain irritants, such as dust or animal dander, while the immune system is not yet mature. Another view

Allergies are an overreaction of the immune system to certain stimuli. One view is that allergies can develop as the result of childhood exposure to certain irritants, such as dust or animal dander, while the immune system is not yet mature. Another view aw8x9
The given argument discusses two views related to the development of allergies. The first is that exposure to certain irritants like dust or animal dander during childhood can lead to allergies since the body's immune system is not fully developed in children. The second view is that the development of the immune system is activated by exposure to certain types of bacteria in childhood. The arguer cites the results of a new study and claims that they support the second view. The conclusion derived by the author might appear logical and convincing at first glance. However, a more critical analysis of the justification supplied by the author has highlighted many questions. Therefore, the premises in their current form are not cogent and the argument is rife with unwarranted assumptions which make it more susceptible to attacks. On the first facet, the author of the argument has not mentioned about the demographic region in which the study has been conducted. Maybe the study has been conducted in the area prone to allergies. Moreover, he has not provided the evidence for the study that has been conducted and it raises some questions. How many families were the subject for the study? He has also not mentioned about other factors that could have triggered allergies in the child. Maybe their homes situated in the places which are unhygienic and cleaning children and houses is not sufficient. Secondly, the author has failed to examine the facts that what were the types of allergy that children encountered. It is likely that the allergies are genetic and they are having allergy because their parents have it or their grandparents had it. Moreover, allergies are developed from eating habits or using a certain kind of cosmetics or soap it's not just that cleaning children and house will be enough for avoiding allergies. Additionally, there are other factors that develop allergies. Eating habits, playing habits and the environment in which you are. If a child is playing in mud then he is more likely to have an allergy than other who does not. If other child is having a certain allergy than it might transmit to other children with whom he/she is playing. Moreover, cleaning does not mean that you have successfully avoided the trouble of allergy until you do not clean with disinfectants. The children usually caught up the allergy by the bacterias and the irritants which are present in the environment despite cleaning. In the crux, the author's argument is based on unsubstantiated presumptions. The author should have reinforced his argument with more evidence to make the case more convincing. However, the author failed to examine facts that there might be several other factors that could trigger an allergy in children and naively concluded, thereby rendering the argument indefensible.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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argument
discusses two views related to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
. The
first
is that exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
irritants like dust or animal dander during childhood can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
since the body's immune system is not
fully
developed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second view is that the development of the immune system
is activated
by exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
types of bacteria in childhood.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
arguer cites the results of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and claims that they support the second view.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
conclusion derived by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
might appear logical and convincing at
first
glance.
However
, a more critical analysis of the justification supplied by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has highlighted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions.
Therefore
, the premises in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
form are not cogent and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is rife with unwarranted assumptions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more susceptible to attacks.

On the
first
facet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
has not
Did you mean simply "mentioned the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about the
demographic region in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
been conducted
. Maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
been conducted
in the area prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
.
Moreover
, he has not provided the evidence for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
that has
been conducted
and it raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
questions. How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families were the subject for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
? He has
also
not mentioned about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that could have triggered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
in the child. Maybe their homes situated in the places which are unhygienic and cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is not sufficient.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has failed to examine the facts that what were the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encountered. It is likely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
genetic and
they are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents have it or their grandparents had it.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
are developed
from eating habits or using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
kind of cosmetics or soap it's not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
that cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for avoiding allergies.

Additionally
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergies
. Eating habits, playing habits and the environment in which you are. If a child is playing in mud then he is more likely to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
who does not.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
child is having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
than it might transmit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with whom he/she is playing.
Moreover
, cleaning does not mean that you have
successfully
avoided the trouble of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
until you do not clean with disinfectants. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
caught up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bacterias
and the irritants which are present in the environment despite cleaning.

In the crux, the author's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is based
on unsubstantiated presumptions. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should have reinforced his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
with more evidence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the case more convincing.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
failed to examine facts that there might be several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that could trigger an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allergy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
naively
concluded, thereby rendering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
indefensible.
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IELTS essay Allergies are an overreaction of the immune system to certain stimuli. One view is that allergies can develop as the result of childhood exposure to certain irritants, such as dust or animal dander, while the immune system is not yet mature. Another view

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
463 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Allergies are an overreaction of the immune system to certain stimuli. One view is that allergies can develop as the result of childhood exposure to certain irritants, such as dust or animal dander, while the immune system is not yet mature. Another view