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n many developed countries, there is a phenomenon that people increase income, get married late

n many developed countries, there is a phenomenon that people increase income, get married late 0aY05
In many developed countries, there is a phenomenon that people increase income, get married later, and have fewer children/ kids. This leads to an aging population which has more negatives than possitives on society. First of all, as more people reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems and this puts huge pressure on healthcare system, (and) other social programmes and government ‘s budget. The government pays for the costs of heal care, not to mention things like pensions, all of which means a big bill someone has to pay for. Secondly, with an increasing aging population and more people retiting. There will be fewer people to work, this will crate a economic hole in order to, grow a country’s GDP, the government needs to outsource a great number of labours to meet the need of producing goods and service every year. This means the countries rely greatly on/ depend greatly on on immigration to fill the gap which is an undesirable solution. However, we should also view/ consider tho positives the elderly bring to a country. Old people still make contribution to society, whether it means helping look after children, working part time job or even doing volunteer work. On an individual level, old people can be a real treasure. In conclusion, I adhere that the old people more negatives than positives on society. The government should this realize and has suitable derection in the development of the country.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there is a phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase income,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married later, and have fewer children/ kids. This leads to an aging population which has more negatives than
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitives
on society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems and this puts huge pressure on healthcare system, (and) other social
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
‘s budget. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pays for the costs of heal care, not to mention things like pensions, all of which means a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
bill someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay for.
Secondly
, with an increasing aging population and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
retiting
. There will be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work, this will crate
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
economic hole in order to, grow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
GDP, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to outsource a great number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the need of producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and service every year. This means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rely
greatly
on/ depend
greatly
Possible typo: you repeated a word
on on
immigration to fill the gap which is an undesirable solution.

However
, we should
also
view/ consider tho positives the elderly bring to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contribution to society, whether it means helping look after children, working
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job or even doing volunteer work. On an individual level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a real treasure.

In conclusion
, I adhere that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more negatives than positives on society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should this realize and has suitable
Possible spelling mistake found.
derection
in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay n many developed countries, there is a phenomenon that people increase income, get married late

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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