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n many countries, shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity. Why do you so many young people like shopping? Is this a positive or a negative development?

n many countries, shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity. Why do you so many young people like shopping? Is this a positive or a negative development? kLkX8
It is an irrefutable fact that individuals spend their free time majorly on buying goods in the majority of countries. In my opinion, I strongly believe that this is a destructive development. Therefore, the main motive of this essay is to explicate my perspective on the causes and adverse impacts with justified illustrations in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, the first and foremost reason behind the majority of individuals shopping in leisure time is the psychological impact on the brain by reducing stress. In other words, even though individuals in competent world work from day to night for survival, they have approximately a couple of hours as leisure time, and purchasing goods will lead to substantial decreases in stress levels in a sedentary life as it motivates these people. For example, a recent study conducted by Harvard University on 1000 skilled workers states around two-third of individuals shop in the free period to tackle excessive pressure. Thus, shopping after completing task or jobs support being relaxed by reducing the excess amount of stress. Secondly, the most critical reason for spending free time on purchasing items is being updated with revolutionized trends. By this I mean, the advancement in technology results in changing latest trend of products, consequently, the people spend most of their leisure time on shopping to get updated with information and knowledge time-to-time. Take social media influencers as an example, these well-known personalities make enormous purchases in their free time in order to attain updates with current scenarios. As a result, this development backed professionals to remain updated with changing world. To summarize, I would like to reaffirm my position that I strongly feel this is constructive development due to the fact, positive impact on health and it is supportive for professionals to change according to trends.
It is an irrefutable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
majorly
on buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the majority of countries. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that this is a destructive development.
Therefore
, the main motive of this essay is to explicate my perspective on the causes and adverse impacts with justified illustrations in subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with, the
first
and foremost reason behind the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
shopping in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the psychological impact on the brain by reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In other words
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in competent world work from day to night for survival, they have approximately a couple of hours as leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will lead to substantial decreases in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels in a sedentary life as it motivates these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, a recent study conducted by Harvard University on 1000 skilled workers states around two-third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
shop in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
period to tackle excessive pressure.
Thus
, shopping after completing task or jobs support
being relaxed
by reducing the excess amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Secondly
, the most critical reason for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on purchasing items is
being updated
with revolutionized trends. By this I mean, the advancement in technology results in changing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trend of products,
consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend most of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on shopping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated with information and knowledge time-to-time. Take social media influencers as an example, these well-known personalities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to attain updates with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenarios.
As a result
, this development backed professionals to remain updated with changing world.

To summarize
, I would like to reaffirm my position that I
strongly
feel this is constructive development due to the fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on health and it is supportive for professionals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
according to trends.
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IELTS essay n many countries, shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity. Why do you so many young people like shopping? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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