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My passionate why I want to become a biologist

My passionate why I want to become a biologist RNVNG
I am just ordinary student who is from the land of blue sky, Mongolia. And probably one of the few people who’s been determined on their career since elementary school. My grandmother always looked happy in my eyes and she was the one who opened all the opportunities I now have. Combined with my interest in biology, I dreamed of being a biotechnologist like her so I wanted to study biology since the first time someone asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up? ” My grandmother goes for researching about new plants every summer and always take me there. Looking her discover the new plants and observing and take note about them was really exciting. I have graduated my elementary school while go with my grandmother for her biotechnology work so I am in love with biology science. After I enter into middle school, I have studied more about plant science. Plant science isn’t the most standard undergraduate degree in the world. You never hear 5 years old saying “I really want to be plant scientist when I grow up”. After go into my 8th grade I have become more passionate about plant science, and I think it’s a subject more people should study or at least be aware of. Plants are everywhere and have so many purposes but often seem to go unnoticed. They are almost like human body and have really complex and interesting structures. They are the source of our life. Although I love the whole of biosciences in general, there is nothing better than being able to study something you love. Due to learn more deeply about biology science, I take an entrance exam to enter Mongolian National University of Medicine, High school. I successfully passed the exam and have placed in 14th of all exam takers. In there, almost all of my classmates chose their career as doctor. But I was the only one who wanted to study biotechnology. My ambition of start a something new eco production from plants fulfilled me. Learning about living things always makes me fascinated. The uniqueness of each structure and their functions always brings curiosity and many questions in me to probe deeper about them. My interest in biotechnology area was first aroused during my first biotechnology subject in biology lesson. In my biotechnology class, when my teacher exposed me with genetic engineering, proteins, and plant tissue culture, I am likely was mesmerized by them and at the same time, I began to realize my enthusiasm towards biotechnology. Biotechnology utilizes living cells and cellular materials to create pharmaceutical, diagnostic, agricultural, environmental, and other products to benefit society. It is also used to study and to alter genetic information in animals so that human diseases can be modeled and studied. So, I irrevocably decided to choose biotechnology career. To conclude, my preference to study abroad is based on my desire to be more independent. It is also chance for me to experience a different culture and nature of different country. Furthermore, I believe that choose your school and getting an education in Italy would equip me with right tools to not only become high functioning member of society but also contribute to the betterment of Mongolia. I want to develop the biotechnology industry of Mongolia and take it to the No1 in global biotechnology industry.
I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
ordinary student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is from the land of blue sky, Mongolia. And
probably
one of the few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who’s
been determined
on their career since elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. My grandmother always looked happy in my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eyes and
she was the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opened all the opportunities I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have. Combined with my interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
, I dreamed of being a
Possible spelling mistake found.
biotechnologist
like her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
since the
first
time someone asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up? ”

My grandmother goes for researching about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
every summer and always take me there. Looking her discover the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and observing and take note about them was
really
exciting. I have
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
my elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
my grandmother for her biotechnology work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
science.

After I enter into middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I have studied more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
isn’t the most standard undergraduate degree in the world. You never hear 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying “I
really
want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
scientist when I grow up”. After go into my 8th grade I have become more passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s a subject more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or at least be aware of.

Plants are everywhere and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seem to go unnoticed. They are almost like human body and have
really
complex and interesting structures. They are the source of our life. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the whole of biosciences
in general
, there is nothing better than being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
something you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Due to learn more
deeply
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, I take an entrance exam to enter Mongolian National University of Medicine, High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
successfully
passed the exam and have placed in 14th of all exam takers. In there, almost all of my classmates chose their career as doctor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
biotechnology. My ambition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a something new
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco
production from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
fulfilled me.

Learning about living things always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me fascinated. The uniqueness of each structure and their functions always brings curiosity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in me to probe deeper about them. My interest in biotechnology area was
first
aroused during my
first
biotechnology subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
lesson. In my biotechnology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, when my teacher exposed me with genetic engineering, proteins, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
tissue culture, I am likely
was mesmerized
by them and at the same time, I began to realize my enthusiasm towards biotechnology.

Biotechnology utilizes living cells and cellular materials to create pharmaceutical, diagnostic, agricultural, environmental, and other products to benefit society. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and to alter genetic information in animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that human diseases can
be modeled
and studied.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
irrevocably
decided to choose biotechnology career.

To conclude
, my preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad
is based
on my desire to be more independent. It is
also
chance for me to experience a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and nature of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country.
Furthermore
, I believe that choose your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and getting an education in Italy would equip me with right tools to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become high functioning member of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contribute to the betterment of Mongolia. I want to develop the biotechnology industry of Mongolia and take it to the No1 in global biotechnology industry.
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IELTS essay My passionate why I want to become a biologist

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
560 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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