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My opinion about the figure

My opinion about the figure pRxnm
This figure shows the process of making instant noodles. I was surprised at the amount of the process. At the same time, I thought if the manufacture use many machine for make instant noodles, consumption energy will very much. I think it gives bad impact for environment. These days global warming is getting worse and using much energy is one of the cause. This is because I have a suggestion. I think it will be able to do for this instant noodle company. It is using a machine of all good and reduce the process.
This figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the process of making instant noodles.

I
was surprised
at the amount of the process. At the same time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
if the manufacture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible agreement error. The noun machine seems to be countable; consider using: "many machines".
many machine
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
instant noodles, consumption energy will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact for environment. These days global warming is getting worse and using much energy is one of the cause. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a suggestion. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will be able to do for this instant noodle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It is using a machine of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the process.

IELTS essay My opinion about the figure

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
95 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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