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My nightmare day in my childhood

I recall a nightmare day when I was childhood. One day, when we were celebrating the birthday of my mother. I was helping my sibling and my mother. The majority of the relative came to us to celebrate cheerfully. My mother made a delicious variety of dishes for the party. I helped her to serve. When I had been serving a dish by the time I suddenly saw a nightmare near our bedroom door. I was numb, dreadful, and freezing at that time. Then I tried to look carefully at what is that. She was approaching and holding out his finger to me. The first time, I guessed this was the finger which consists of my sister that she wanted to make a joke to me. But that finger was enormous and did not look like a human finger. Then she suddenly concealed her finger and vanished. I thought the peril was gone however his appearance was only before my eyes that night. When I was reclining the chair, my mother looked at me and asked what is the problem. I commenced talking about all unforeseen things however she undoubtedly did not believe me. That was obvious because I did not have to believe that bizarre as well. In that morning I made an effort to detect some defects. I hesitated to ask all my family members because they think that I was crazy. I found some evidence from that night. An undeniable fact was my sister's red shirt which I saw a woman wearing a red shirt. I was so raging and awful at that moment. My sister had defrauded me which I believed her. I resented her then I didn't have talked with her for two months. What a nightmare!
I recall a nightmare day when I was childhood. One day, when we were celebrating the birthday of my
mother
. I was helping my sibling and my
mother
. The majority of the relative came to us to celebrate
cheerfully
. My
mother
made a delicious variety of dishes for the party. I
helped
her to serve.
When
I had been serving a dish by the time I
suddenly
saw
a nightmare near our bedroom door. I was numb, dreadful, and freezing at that time. Then I tried to look
carefully
at what is that. She was approaching and holding out his
finger
to me.

The
first
time, I guessed this was the
finger
which consists of my sister that she wanted to
make
a joke to me.
But
that
finger
was enormous and did not look like a human
finger
. Then she
suddenly
concealed her
finger
and vanished. I
thought
the peril
was gone
however
his appearance was
only
before
my eyes that night. When I was reclining the chair, my
mother
looked at me and asked what is the problem. I commenced talking about all unforeseen things
however
she
undoubtedly
did not believe me. That was obvious
because
I did not
have to
believe that bizarre
as well
.

In that morning I made an effort to detect
some
defects. I hesitated to ask all my family members
because
they
think
that I was crazy. I found
some
evidence from that night. An undeniable fact was my sister's red shirt which I
saw
a woman wearing a red shirt. I was
so
raging and awful at that moment. My sister had defrauded me which I believed her. I resented her then I didn't have talked with her for two months.

What a nightmare!
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IELTS essay My nightmare day in my childhood

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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