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My hobbies and leisure time

My hobbies and leisure time EpEBD
In this stay forward era there is competitiveness among the humankind’s for each and every walking steps of achievement. He is a slave to the revolving wheels and seconds. He wants so utilize every second, every minute, in making money, Every person become participants of this marathon race so that creates reduction in leisure time. Which creates huge accidental loss to hobbies. But I strongly believe that hobbies gives refreshment and experience to working human. every Hobbies has their own value.  It is a pursuit which we undertake in leisure for pleasure and for profit.   The aim of hobby is not to earn money thought it may bring money indirectly.   But different people amuse themselves with different how.   For example, my hobby may be reading whereas for another person it may be a profession. There are many kinds of hobbies.   One of them is collecting stamps and coins.  Some people collect flowers and leaves. Some like make alluring art by painting their canvas board with amazing merger of colour or by sketching.   Some are fond of indoor games like chess and cards.   Young men like outdoor games such as cricket, hockey or football.   Hobbies not only provide pleasure but also educate the mind. I have three hobbies.   My first hobby is cooking. Some time I like to spend my leisure time in kitchen.  I want to test each and every bundle of food varieties of world which add cheese into my cheese burst pizza of cooking and also passionate towards the cooking by some YouTube channel. Such as, MasterChef, food tech, CookingShooking and much more.  I started cooking when i was 6, but it was as simple as putting boiled potato, cucumber and cheese slices between 2 slices of bread and use my favourite condiment of mayonnaise and let heat up for about 30 seconds. When i grew older, my knowledge of food grew to new depths which work as a sugar in dessert towards cooking. My second hobby is photography.   It is not only hobby for every person but it is profession for someone. I have small camera.   I always like to take snaps of nearby sights.   Camera not capture only photos but it capture bundles of honey sweet memories inside it Which inserts 32 Gb memory into me which contain thousands of honey sweet memories in the form of photographs which was captured by me.  It flash me towards the photography. For this purpose, I have made a small dark room.  I want to paint life as it is.  I capture bunch of memories into my camera but photo which was at the time of college days is one of the part of my heart. Standing next to me in that picture were a few friends of mine who were laughing. The picture was taken in front of a very nice background that had some nicely trimmed trees and perfect lighting. My third hobby is music. I strongly believe that music surely has an effect on people’s lives. It tends to make it lot more easier when you are stressed out or depressed about something. Apart form this, music is a good way of relaxing and feeling good about life. For most of it, I really like pop music, so you can see me hearing, lot of Shakira, Camila Cabello and other pop stars. Apart from them, I am mostly an artist fan. So, I would hear, one direction, rihanna, eminem and then there is j balvin and nicki minaj. Also, I like to hear my country music. We have got great singers like A R Rehman, Arijit Singh, Lata Magneshkar and so many more. People in my country mostly like the bollywood songs. So, you could see them dancing to the beats of bollywood songs but then there are some regional songs and artists as well who are very famous. Even more, with the coming of internet, the youth is also listening to lot of international artists. Usually I prefer to listen music on my phone using headphones. But sometimes, I like listening to loud music, so then I listen using speakers. I love the voice of flute, tunes of guitar and alluring sound of drum. I have started playing guitar recently. So, I don’t play it very well but I have learnt playing some basic songs and few high nodes here and there. I mostly prefer to play drum I would some day love to play drums. I really get gooze bumps when I see a drummer. I mean there is so much to do in that instruments, you need to beat on those different drums and then tap your feet to get that perfect rhythm and that sound. It is great to hear that base in the song, so yes, I would love to be a good drummer some day. Recreation is not the only aim of hobbies.   They give us knowledge which we do not get from textbooks.   Besides being a mental tonic, hobbies are an excellent way of spending one’s leisure.   It is said that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.   One should not, therefore, remain idle.
In this stay forward era there is competitiveness among the humankind’s for each and every walking steps of achievement. He is a slave to the revolving wheels and seconds. He wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
utilize every second, every minute, in making money, Every person become participants of this marathon race
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that creates reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
creates huge accidental loss to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
gives refreshment and experience to working human.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "hobby"?
Hobbies
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value.  It is a pursuit which we undertake in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
for pleasure and for profit.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is not to earn money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it may bring money
indirectly
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
amuse themselves with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
how.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
may be reading whereas for another person it may be a profession.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
One of them is collecting stamps and coins.  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
collect flowers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
alluring art by painting their canvas board with amazing merger of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
or by sketching.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Some
are fond of indoor games like chess and cards.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
like outdoor games such as cricket, hockey or football.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
provide pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educate the mind.

I have three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
My
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is cooking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I like to spend my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in kitchen.  I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
each and every bundle of food varieties of world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
cheese into my cheese burst pizza of cooking and
also
passionate towards the cooking by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
YouTube channel. Such as,
Possible spelling mistake found.
MasterChef
, food tech,
Possible spelling mistake found.
CookingShooking
and much more.  I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
cooking when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was 6,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was as simple as putting boiled potato, cucumber and cheese slices between 2 slices of bread and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
condiment of mayonnaise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
heat up for about 30 seconds. When
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
grew older, my knowledge of food grew to new depths which work as a sugar in dessert towards cooking.

My second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is photography.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
for every person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is profession for someone. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
camera.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I always like to take snaps of nearby sights.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Camera not capture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
photos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Did you mean "captures"?
capture
bundles of honey sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
inside it Which inserts 32
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
into me which contain thousands of honey sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
in the form of photographs which
was captured
by me.  It
Did you mean "flashes"?
flash
me towards the photography. For this purpose, I have made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
dark room.  I want to paint life as it is.  I capture
It seems that an article is missing.
bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
into my camera
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
photo which was at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of college days is one of the part of my heart. Standing
next
to me in that picture were a few friends of mine who were laughing. The picture
was taken
in front of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice background that had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nicely
trimmed trees and perfect lighting.

My third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
surely
has an effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it lot
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
when you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out or depressed about something.
Possible typo. Did you mean "apart from"?
Apart form
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of relaxing and feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
about life. For most of it, I
really
like pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
me hearing,
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
Shakira, Camila
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cabello
and other pop stars. Apart from them, I am
mostly
an artist fan.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would hear, one direction,
Possible spelling mistake found.
rihanna
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eminem
and then there is j
Possible spelling mistake found.
balvin
and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
nicki minaj
.
Also
, I like to hear my country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
great singers like A R
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rehman
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arijit
Singh,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lata
Possible spelling mistake found.
Magneshkar
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in my country
mostly
like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bollywood
songs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them dancing to the beats of
Possible spelling mistake found.
bollywood
songs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regional songs and artists
as well
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. Even more, with the coming of internet, the youth is
also
listening to
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
international artists.
Usually
I prefer to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on my phone using headphones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, I like listening to loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then I listen using speakers. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the voice of flute, tunes of guitar and alluring sound of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drum
. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing guitar recently.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I don’t play it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic songs and few high nodes here and there. I
mostly
prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drum
I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drums
. I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
gooze
bumps when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a drummer.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
mean there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to do in that instruments, you need to beat on those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drums
and then tap your feet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that perfect rhythm and that sound. It is great to hear that base in the song,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
yes, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
drummer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day.

Recreation is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
They give us knowledge which we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from textbooks.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Besides
being a mental tonic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are an excellent way of spending one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It
is said
that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
One should not,
therefore
, remain idle.
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IELTS essay My hobbies and leisure time

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
870 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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