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My grandpa's 100th birthday party was the saddest party I've ever attended

My grandpa's 100th birthday party was the saddest party I've ever attended rbe2n
My grandpa's 100th birthday party was the saddest party I've ever attended. Last month, that celebration was held in a well-known British restaurant. Of course, my grandpa organized all hugely expensive expenses. I could not believe my eyes because he was in such good shape for his age. Despite his old age, he could take care of his one-decade party. Then that day arrived, and I was his first most timely guest. When I walked in, everything around me was incredibly gorgeous, decorated in a variety of bright colors, most notably red and yellow. Made it feel like you were lost in a large castle. Nevertheless, what I find strange here is that the party is just me and him. The party guests did not show up, but the food was rapidly displayed. There were many popular luxury dishes in the world, such as 24k Pizza, Pizza Louis XIII, British Wagyu Beef Pie, and Chocolate Pudding. The dishes seem to be yummy and quite flavorful. My grandfather began to cry as I was eating. The same tears came. I hugged him once more and kissed his cheek. The party became even more depressing as I realized that everyone hated him. Only I am always by his side to look after him. At this time, He told me how much he loved me and then he disappeared from this world. I cried and shouted loudly. After that party, I was like a soulless person, and I can't blame the people who didn't attend his party. In a summary, it was the saddest party I've ever been to, and I'll most likely remember it for the rest of my life.
My grandpa's 100th birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
was the saddest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
I've ever attended. Last month, that celebration
was held
in a well-known British restaurant.
Of course
, my grandpa organized all
hugely
expensive expenses. I could not believe my eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was in such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape for his age. Despite his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, he could take care of his one-decade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. Then that day arrived, and I was his
first
most timely guest. When I walked in, everything around me was
incredibly
gorgeous, decorated in a variety of bright colors, most
notably
red and yellow. Made it feel like you
were lost
in a large castle.
Nevertheless
, what I find strange here is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
me and him. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
guests did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the food was
rapidly
displayed. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular luxury dishes in the world, such as 24k Pizza, Pizza Louis XIII, British
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wagyu
Beef Pie, and Chocolate Pudding. The dishes seem to be yummy and quite flavorful. My grandfather began to cry as I was eating. The same tears came. I hugged him once more and kissed his cheek. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
became even more depressing as I realized that everyone hated him.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
I am always by his side to look after him. At this time, He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me how much he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
then he disappeared from this world. I cried and shouted
loudly
. After that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, I was like a soulless person, and I can't blame the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who didn't attend his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. In a summary, it was the saddest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
I've ever been to, and I'll most likely remember it for the rest of my life.
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IELTS essay My grandpa's 100th birthday party was the saddest party I've ever attended

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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