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Music is the best way to bring people of different caste and ages together. Do you agree or disagree

Music is the best way to bring people of different caste and ages together. aGrX
Across the world there are many different cultures and traditions. Most places have different music and arts. I personally believe that music is an excellent way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To begin, music no matter what it is or where it is from makes people emotional. Music brings happiness, sadness, excitement and many other feelings to people. If we share our music with people from different cultures and ages groups we may spread the same emotion we feel like happiness. So spreading that happiness can bring us together no matter what age we are or where we are from. Additionally, if older age groups share their music with younger people it may build their bonds together and make them closer because the older generation can expose them to past experiences, history and ideas from many years ago. This will bring the age groups together because the younger people will feel more connected to the older people through the facts and stories they share from the music. To sum up, it is clear that sharing music can definitely bring people together no matter what their age or cultural backgrounds are.
Across the world there are
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many
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different
cultures and traditions. Most places have
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different
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music
and arts. I
personally
believe that
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music
is an excellent way of bringing
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people
of
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different
cultures and
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ages
together.

To
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begin
,
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music
no matter what it is or where it is from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
emotional.
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Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
happiness, sadness, excitement and
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many
other feelings to
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people
. If we share our
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music
with
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people
from
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different
cultures and
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ages
groups we may spread the same emotion we feel like happiness.
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So
spreading that happiness can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
us together no matter what
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age
we are or where we are from.
Additionally
, if older
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age
groups share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it may build their bonds together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them closer
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because
the older generation can expose them to
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
, history and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel more connected to the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through the facts and stories they share from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together no matter what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
or cultural backgrounds are.
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IELTS essay Music is the best way to bring people of different caste and ages together.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
194 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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