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The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of public. To what extent do you agree?

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of public. Y10B
Today's era, various countries strive to find life on other planet since some of them believe that probably they more superior than human that's why spend lot of money to get new technology from them. Some individuals think that authorities should consider earth's problem first, after that look out for beyond planet earth. So I am partially agree with this notion and writing some viewpoints in impending paragraphs. On the one hand, Scientist doing numerous researchs to find the life out of the earth in which billions of dollars invested by the government to fund these projects so that have some merits, such as if aliens superior from human being their Technology assist to develop earth more rapidly in few time. As people knew that severe disease like cancer impact in the society with the help of their advancements possible to cure from lethal illness. Secondly, another possibility is that, if they become detrimental for mankind and have potential to destroy blue planet. In this regard, need to start preparation in advance. So it easy for individuals to tackle them out of the earth to ensure the safety of the citizens that can be only possible when researchers have full information related them. On the other hand, the first and foremost reason is that, legislation around the globe face many nuisances mostly in third world Nations, where, people live in poor condition as well as major chunk of dwellers live their life below poverty line. firstly, necessity to counter that problem. Last but not least, Healthcare system to expensive those who came from deprived section of the society and for impoverish population not able to take treatment from hospital since they have lack of resources their financial condition not so good. To conclude, Matter of the fact is that researchers also play imperative role to tackle upcoming threats and new advancements lead human to bright future. However, country should try to solve public problems, where, poverty on extreme level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's era, various countries strive to find life on other planet since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believe that
probably
they
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
human that's why spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new technology from them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that authorities should consider earth's problem
first
, after that look out for beyond planet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I am
partially
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this notion and writing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viewpoints in impending paragraphs. On the one hand, Scientist doing numerous
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "researches", the plural form of the noun 'research'?
researchs
to find the life out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
in which billions of dollars invested by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to fund these projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, such as if aliens superior from human being their Technology assist to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
more
rapidly
in few time.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
knew that severe disease like cancer impact in the society with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their advancements possible to
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cure of"?
cure from
lethal illness.
Secondly
,
another possibility
is that, if they become detrimental for mankind and have potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
blue planet. In this regard, need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparation in advance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
easy for individuals to tackle them out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
to ensure the safety of the citizens that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible when researchers have full information related them.
On the other hand
, the
first
and foremost reason is that, legislation around the globe face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nuisances
mostly
in third world Nations, where,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poor condition
as well
as major chunk of dwellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life below poverty line.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, necessity to counter that problem. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, Healthcare system to expensive those who came from deprived section of the society and for impoverish population not able to take treatment from hospital since they have lack of resources their financial condition not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
To conclude
, Matter of the fact is that researchers
also
play imperative role to tackle upcoming threats and new advancements lead human to bright future.
However
, country should try to solve public problems, where, poverty on extreme level
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IELTS essay The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of public.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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