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Music is good to all people. what is your opinion?

Music is good to all people. what is your opinion? paaE2
Music is one of the most important features that human love and need in their life. It is not new thing, but its creation dates back to the start of human in the earth. In my opinion music is crucial for human as it relaxes and relieves stress and also acts as a tool to keep humans together. One the one hand, many stressed persons when you asked them what could make them quiet and comfortable, they would say without any doubt that thing is music that they love it. recent studies in many laboratories around the world discovered that listening to what you love will make the person concentrated, and also increase the brain activity. In fact, music not only keeps us relaxed, but also may inspire us to do many hard things that person thinks they are impossible. Furthermore, one of the oldest ritual and tradition in all ceremonies and festivals all over the world is music, where people display and run different types of music based on their cultures and thoughts to express their joy. For instance, people in my town play with sticks together at the same time of music playing, and that lasts for many hours during the day of festival. In addition, Music acts as a tool for keeping all people together through international meetings like football world cup or Olympics. In conclusion, I think music is one of the most significant creatures of human being as it serves to link different societies and cultures around the world. I hope in the future i can play music and release my own one to the market like famous artists, because that can make me rich and popular.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
features that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and need in their life. It is not new thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its creation dates back to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
in the earth. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
as it relaxes and relieves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
also
acts as a tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
together.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
persons when you asked them what could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them quiet and comfortable, they would say without any doubt that thing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it. recent studies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
laboratories around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
discovered that listening to what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the person concentrated, and
also
increase the brain activity. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us relaxed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
may inspire us to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
things that person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
they are impossible.
Furthermore
, one of the oldest ritual and tradition in all ceremonies and festivals all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
display and run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
based on their cultures and thoughts to express their joy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in my town play with sticks together at the same time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
playing, and that lasts for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours during the day of festival.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
acts as a tool for keeping all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together through international meetings like football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cup or Olympics.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the most significant creatures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being as it serves to link
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies and cultures around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. I hope in the future
Did you mean "I"?
i
can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and release my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one to the market like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me rich and popular.
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IELTS essay Music is good to all people. what is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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