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music has lots of various genres all over the world. Everyone needs to listen to music for various reasons, and in my opinion, folk songs are vital, but international ones are no less essential, either.

music has lots of various genres all over the world. Everyone needs to listen to music for various reasons, and in my opinion, folk songs are vital, but international ones are no less essential, either. GLgo2
Nowadays, music has lots of various genres all over the world. Everyone needs to listen to music for various reasons, and in my opinion, folk songs are vital, but international ones are no less essential, either. One of the main factors behind the necessity of music is mental health. In other words, listening to music may help to relax someone's brain, with stress and depression decreasing to a minimum level, hence, music prevents the human body from physiological illness existing for negative feelings. Another factor leading to music being vital is that music stimulates people. It  means that by listening to music, people get lots of motivation, and generally, it gives them an opportunity to be more productive in their jobs commercially. So, it is clear that listening to music is a key part of life. It goes without saying that regional music is vital owing to the fact that  it assists people to get to know their  cultures and languages in other countries. For example, if a country might plan to spread their own language, music would be one of the most effective methods, because music would help people keep something in their mind easily, or they might take part in some music competition to become well-known culture. However, international music is just as important as local ones, because international songs use mainly language being able to understand most people, and when people listen to it, they do not need to learn new languages compared to national ones. To conclude, there are many music genres being spread all over the world. And music is one of the most significant leisure activities, today, and I do not believe that national music outweighs international one.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has lots of various genres all over the world. Everyone needs to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for various reasons, and in my opinion, folk songs are vital,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are no less essential, either.

One of the main factors behind the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is mental health.
In other words
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to relax someone's brain, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression decreasing to a minimum level,
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the human body from physiological illness existing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings. Another factor leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
being vital is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
stimulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
means that by listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lots of motivation, and
generally
, it gives them an opportunity to be more productive in their jobs
commercially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a key part of life.

It goes without saying that regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is vital owing to the fact that
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
it assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in other countries.
For example
, if a country might plan to spread their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
would be one of the most effective methods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
something in their mind
easily
, or they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
competition to become well-known culture.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
being able to understand most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to it, they do not need to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
compared to national ones.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres
being spread
all over the world. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the most significant leisure activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, and I do not believe that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
outweighs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
one.
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IELTS essay music has lots of various genres all over the world. Everyone needs to listen to music for various reasons, and in my opinion, folk songs are vital, but international ones are no less essential, either.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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