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music gathers all people from different cultures and ages

music gathers all people from different cultures and ages dlQAX
Music is one of the greatest inventions of mankind which has been improving from the first day that had been invented since now. There is a widely held view among individuals, myself included, that music is a special means which gathers all people together no matter where they are from, how old they are, or even which cultures they belong to. To begin with, music is a kind of art like painting or acting, so it does not have any boundaries. It could move freely all over the world. Everyone, therefore, is able to listen to music and enjoy. Take, as a case in point, millions of people who listened to Korean pop music (K-pop) without even having traveled there or known Korean speech. Those persons have accepted music as an art. Consecutively, proponents of this notion believe music is beyond everything, moreover people from various countries could listen to any type of music they like. Secondly and more importantly, music is a kind of international language which everybody knows. That is why old people from all walks of life and from different cultures could enjoy it equally. An example could be great plenty of instrumental music in which spirits only hear the sound of instruments that are played deftly by musicians. In this type of music, there are no lyrics or singers, nevertheless, it puts an enormous effect on everyone from every culture. Owing to this fact, music is an indispensable part of each gathering, ceremony, or yet ritual in Churches. From what happened discussed, and in order to draw a conclusion, music is a powerful means to bring all people from all parts of the world together, due to this fact that it is an art and an international language which everyone enjoys using that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of the greatest inventions of mankind which has been improving from the
first
day that had
been invented
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. There is a
widely
held view among individuals, myself included, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a special means which gathers all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together no matter where they are from, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
they are, or even which cultures they belong to.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a kind of art like painting or acting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it does not have any boundaries. It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
all over the world. Everyone,
therefore
, is able to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and enjoy. Take, as a case in point, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who listened to Korean pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
(K-pop) without even having traveled there or known Korean speech. Those persons have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as an art.
Consecutively
, proponents of this notion believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is beyond everything,
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various countries could listen to any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they like.

Secondly
and more
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a kind of international language which everybody knows.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks of life and from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures could enjoy it
equally
. An example could be great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of instrumental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in which spirits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hear the sound of instruments that
are played
deftly
by musicians. In this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there are no lyrics or singers,
nevertheless
, it puts an enormous effect on everyone from every culture. Owing to this fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an indispensable part of each gathering, ceremony, or
yet
ritual in Churches.

From what happened discussed, and in order to draw a conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a powerful
means to bring all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all parts of the world together, due to this fact that it is an art and an international language which everyone enjoys using that.
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IELTS essay music gathers all people from different cultures and ages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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