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Music can unite people, it’s true or not?

Music can unite people, it’s true or not? 9BjDn
There is no doubt, that music always has been a part of our life. Some people claim that it is good way to bring people together despite the fact that they may have various cultures and be of different ages. Personally, I completely agree with this opinion, so in this essay I am going to highlight a number of reasons. Firstly, a huge amount of people have the same musical preferences. Nowadays there a lot of styles: classical, pop, rock, hip-hop and so on. That’s why there are groups of people that prefer one type of songs. Moreover there also consist humans that found of not only one genre but can listen just one favourite song from each of singers, sometimes it can be hard to explain this phenomena, as only audiophiles themselves will understand it. Consequently these groups may consist of a huge amount of fans of all ages which attend concerts together, as a result they can meet new friends easily, for the reason that their tastes in music are matched. Secondly, at the present time there are old songs that society loves, the more those music tracks were popular in 80th or 90th, the more they are popular now. How it’s said “history is cyclical”, therefore some trends return. For example, presently plenty of teenagers and young adults are being fans of ABBA, Michel Jackson, AC/DC and so on. Furthermore, a number of old songs are performed by modern bands or even their own tracks have old-fashioned style, thus people of all tastes and ages may listen to their favourite music. To sum up, music is a great thing that is able to unite people. As for me, music is a part and parcel of my life, as an audiophile, I have friends who have the same taste as I have.
There is no doubt, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
always has been a part of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together despite the fact that they may have various cultures and be of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this essay I am going to highlight a number of reasons.

Firstly
, a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the same musical preferences. Nowadays there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
styles: classical, pop, rock, hip-hop and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. That’s why there are groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that prefer one type of songs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
there
also
consist humans that found of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one genre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can listen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
song from each of singers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
audiophiles themselves will understand it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
these groups may consist of a huge amount of fans of all ages which attend concerts together,
as a result
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends
easily
, for the reason that their tastes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are matched
.

Secondly
, at the present time there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs that society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
, the more those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
were popular in 80th or 90th, the more they are popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. How it’s said “history is cyclical”,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trends return.
For example
,
presently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults are being fans of ABBA, Michel Jackson, AC/DC and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs
are performed
by modern bands or even their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned style,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all tastes and ages may listen to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
music.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a great thing
that is
able to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As for me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a part and parcel of my life, as an audiophile, I have friends who have the same taste as I have.
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IELTS essay Music can unite people, it’s true or not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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