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music and art help people to be creative

music and art help people to be creative GWDlo
Some people think that students should be required to study art and music in secondary school, others believe that all students should not study music and art in secondary school. As far as I am concerned I totally agree that all students should be required to study art and music at secondary school because of the following reasons. First, music and art help people to be creative. So students can develop this quality during their lessons at school. They will be able to study new thins and practice new skills. For instance, some of them will learn how to play a musician instrument while others will learn how to make sculptures and paint pictures. Moreover, they can visit different art galleries, museums and concert halls during such lessons. Second reason, nowadays, all students are very busy and they need relaxation, good music can help people to relax and forget about all their problems and troubles. Everyone gets a great satisfaction from listening to music. This student will be given a chance how to differ good professional music from ordinary pop music. Third, music and art broaden our horizon. We can learn a lot of new things about foreign countries and different historical periods. If we want to be intelligent and well-educated we have to study history and art. I cannot but agree that it will be a great benefit for all students to study these subjects at school. All in all, but from my point of view all students should be required to study art and music at school. This knowledge broadens out student’s horizon, helps young people to relax and enjoy their lives and makes new generation creative people.
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people
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think
that
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students
should
be required
to
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study
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art
and
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music
in secondary
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school
, others believe that all
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students
should not
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study
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music
and
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art
in secondary
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school
. As far as I
am concerned
I
totally
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agree
that all
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students
should
be required
to
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study
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art
and
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music
at secondary
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school
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because
of the following reasons.

First
,
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music
and
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art
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help
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people
to be creative.
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So
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students
can develop this quality during their lessons at
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school
. They will be able to
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study
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new
thins and practice
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new
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skills
.
For instance
,
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some
of them will learn how to play a musician instrument while others will learn how to
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make
sculptures and paint pictures.
Moreover
, they can visit
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different
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art
galleries, museums and concert halls during such lessons.

Second reason, nowadays, all
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students
are
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very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they need relaxation,
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good
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music
can
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help
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people
to relax and forget about all their problems and troubles. Everyone
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gets
a great satisfaction from listening to
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music
. This
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student
will be
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given
a chance how to differ
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good
professional
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music
from ordinary pop music.

Third,
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music
and
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art
broaden our horizon. We can learn
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a lot of
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new
things about foreign countries and
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different
historical periods. If we want to be intelligent and well-educated we
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have to
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study
history and
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art
. I cannot
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but
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agree
that it will be a great benefit for all
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students
to
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study
these subjects at school.

All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my point of view all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to
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study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
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music
at
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school
. This knowledge broadens out
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student’s
horizon,
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helps
young
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people
to relax and enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
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makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay music and art help people to be creative

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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