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All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer. LqDGG
It is argued by many people that all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school and I completely agree with this statement because of the following reasons. The most compelling reason for holding my view is that music and art are very good for students because it helps people to be more creative. Music and art enhance creativity, improve memory, improve social skills and it has much more bright sides. The second argument is that nowadays, usually, students do not have enough time for relaxing consequently it is a perfect opportunity for students to relax more. Students easily get bored in their regular classes and it so they need a break in order to become more energetic and relaxed. Great music can also help students to forget all their problems and be more motivated. In conclusion, based on my arguments I strongly believe that all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school to become more creative.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in secondary school and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

The most compelling reason for holding my view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be more creative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
enhance creativity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
memory,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and it has much more bright sides.

The second argument is that nowadays,
usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for relaxing
consequently
it is a perfect opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored in their regular classes and it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need a break in order to become more energetic and relaxed. Great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to forget all their problems and be more motivated.

In conclusion
, based on my arguments I
strongly
believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in secondary school to become more creative.
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IELTS essay All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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