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museums should be visited by children as not all the information about history is available in books

museums should be visited by children as not all the information about history is available in books D2g9W
Museums have been considered as bridge within past and present. While some people believe that museums should be visited by children as not all the information about history is available in books, others think there are many resources such as internet, television to accumulate the knowledge. On the one hand, in museums, real objects, which were used by our ancestor, create curiosity in the students to know more about these objects’ material. Thereby, a lot of questions have been asked to the museum’s team members as they are expert and have the ability to elaborate all the information about the objects in details in so simple way that it is understand by everyone. Furthermore, in museums, replica of many famous buildings, which were created by local artists without any scientific knowledge, which were catered a lot of facilities such as homes remain warm in winter and cold in summer. The material used in these buildings itself change the temperature according to the seasons. After visit to the museums, this kind of knowledge can be gathered comfortably. On the other hand side, it not possible to visit every museum therefore it is wise to use internet, as it contain all the information about all the museums, to learn about history. Moreover, nowadays many television channels such as discovery keep telecasting shows about the history and vividly reveal all the information. To conclude, although knowledge can be comprehended from different resources without commuting to the museums, live experience is much more excited and it cannot be forgotten easily.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
have
been considered
as bridge within past and present. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
be visited
by children as not all the information about history is available in books, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources such as internet, television to accumulate the knowledge.

On the one hand, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, real objects, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by our ancestor, create curiosity in the students to know more about these objects’ material. Thereby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
questions have been
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asked'. Remove it: "asked".
asked to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
team members as they are expert and have the ability to elaborate all the information about the objects in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
simple way that it is
Consider using a past participle here: "understood".
understand
by everyone.
Furthermore
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, replica of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
buildings, which
were created
by local artists without any scientific knowledge, which
were catered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
facilities such as homes remain warm in winter and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
in summer. The material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in these buildings itself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the temperature according to the seasons. After visit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, this kind of knowledge can
be gathered
comfortably
.

On the other hand
side,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
not possible to visit every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
therefore
it is wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet, as it contain all the information about all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, to learn about history.
Moreover
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
television channels such as discovery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
telecasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
about the history and
vividly
reveal all the information.

To conclude
, although knowledge can
be comprehended
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
resources without commuting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
experience is much more excited and it cannot
be forgotten
easily
.
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IELTS essay museums should be visited by children as not all the information about history is available in books

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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