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detailed description of crimes on tv is having a bad effect on society so it should be restricted. to what extent, do you agree or disagree?

detailed description of crimes on tv is having a bad effect on society so it should be restricted. KGbRk
It is true that, in the recent decades, posting precious demonstration of criminal have been attracting lots of public eye due to the considerable impacts on citizens' mental mind. While I do not fully accept it, I firmly agree for a number of reasons. There are two primary reasons why an increasing number of people tend to find out about crime's origins. First of all, thanks to that information, it boosts a cognitive development to residents about crime. Without a doubt that those data have been valuable which helps people fully aware of their movement for criminals and preparation for doing crimes. Therefore, people are willing to avert and participate in catching law-breakers with authorities. Furthermore, it is admittedly that this is also a vital way to improve educational outcomes. Obviously, those descriptions of crimes have come in handy for police or FBI in looking into more quickly and precisely to have adequate punishment for offenders to educate people. Moreover, the government should bring out an essential solution to let people defend and protect themselves from those crimes. For example, in Viet Nam, many schools have invited expertise in robbers came to impart their skills and how to improvise when facing the thieve On the other hand, there are indeed numerous disadvantages related to the detailed descriptions of crimes. For instance, Young people have a penchant for mimicking the activities from the criminal description due to their immaturity of cognitive ability, thereby increasing the rates of juvenile delinquencyIn conclusion,
It is true that, in the recent decades, posting precious demonstration of criminal have been attracting lots of public eye due to the considerable impacts on citizens' mental mind. While I do not
fully
accept it, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for a number of reasons.

There are two primary reasons why an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to find out about crime's origins.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, thanks to that information, it boosts a cognitive development to residents about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Without a doubt that those data have been valuable which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fully
aware of their movement for criminals and preparation for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to avert and participate in catching law-breakers with authorities.

Furthermore
, it is
admittedly
that this is
also
a vital way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
educational outcomes.
Obviously
, those descriptions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy for police or FBI in looking into more
quickly
and
precisely
to have adequate punishment for offenders to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should bring out an essential solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
defend and protect themselves from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have invited expertise in robbers came to impart their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and how to improvise when facing the
The word 'thieve' is not a noun. Did you mean "thief"?
thieve
On the other hand
, there are
indeed
numerous disadvantages related to the detailed descriptions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For instance
, Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a penchant for mimicking the activities from the criminal description due to their immaturity of cognitive ability, thereby increasing the rates of juvenile
Possible spelling mistake found.
delinquencyIn
conclusion,
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IELTS essay detailed description of crimes on tv is having a bad effect on society so it should be restricted.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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